Finders Keepers
by Wendy3
Summary: A spell goes awry leaving Buffy with an interesting dilemma on her hands.
1. Chapter One

  
  


Title: Challenge Fic: Finders Keepers 1/?  
Author: Wendy  
Email: wendy@immortalbliss.co.uk  
Disclaimer: Buffy The Vampire Slayer and Angel belong to one, Mr Joss Whedon.  
Rating: Same as the show. Any chapters rated more than that will be clearly labelled.  
Summary: A spell goes awry leaving Buffy with an interesting dilemma on her hands.  
Pairing: B/A with mentions of C/A and B/S.  
Distribution: If you want it, I'm flattered. Just let me know first. This story will be archived at my site   
Feedback: Yes, please.  
Author's note: This is a response to a challenge issued by Cat earlier this year (thanks to Cat for jolting my memory).

** Chapter One **

Lilah Morgan stifled a yawn. She had been standing in this dirty warehouse for a long time, and for the work-obsessed lawyer, this dull night was not getting any shorter. 

"Come on, how long is this supposed to take? I've got a 6am start tomorrow," Lilah demanded impatiently, all the time looking pointedly at her watch. 

There was no answer. She need not have bothered. As her former boss Holland Manners had once said, these rituals take time. 

Too much time, she thought sternly to herself. She wanted this done - and now. She had been waiting a long time to nail this one, and now more than ever, she needed to do this. Her ass was on the line, big time. After the mess-up with Connor returned the once harmless baby as a powerful ally to his father Angel, the Senior Partners wanted Angel weakened and for good. If it didn't happen, Lilah knew the results wouldn't be pretty; at least for her. And she liked the way things were right now, thank you very much. 

She nervously focused on the circle of robed demons before her, and the strange red glow beginning to emanate from the orb in the centre of the circle. As the chants became more frenzied, the glow pulsed, spilling from the orb and flooding the dark warehouse with eerie reddish light. Lilah crept back, shielding her face, at the same time, barely containing the urge to throw herself into the light. Then the chants stopped. The orb went dark - then shattered. A scream almost escaped Lilah's lips, but quickly grabbing her composure, Lilah clapped her hand across her mouth. 

And in her heart, she only hoped it would work. 

Her usual impenetrable confidence slipping, Lilah glanced in askance at the head demon. 

It nodded at her, then imperiously left the warehouse, leaving its minions to clear up after it. 

And finally, Lilah smiled - a cold, heartless grimace. It was good to be her. 

********************** 

Waiting seemed to be the order of the day. Buffy lazily tapped her fingers upon the kitchen table, her other hand absently ruffling her shortish blonde hair. Xander was due to come round and pick Buffy up so that they could go to see Willow. Ever since the terrible events of last spring when Willow had gone off the rails, turning to the darkness to avenge Tara's murder, Buffy had never known what to say to her best friend. Even though she knew Willow regretted what she did, the brutal murder of Warren, she wasn't sure there was any way back for Willow. When Buffy looked into Willow's eyes, she did not feel she knew her anymore. There was a darkness there, as if all that was good in Will had been forever tainted. It didn't matter that Will had forever sworn to stay away from magic, or that she had exiled herself away in a magic rehab sanctuary from everything she had ever loved to get clean. The memory of Warren's horribly disfigured corpse hanging limply between two ropes forever burned in Buffy's mind whenever she thought of Will, of how much she had sounded like her evil vampire doppelganger. 

Buffy wished Xander would hurry up. 

Just then, a horn blasted from outside. Buffy looked up in anticipation - Xander was here. He rarely came in the house now. It was too painful a memory of everything that had happened, with Tara, with Willow. Snatching her bag, Buffy scanned the kitchen, checking the note she had left Dawn was in place. At 16, she knew Dawn was more than capable of making herself dinner, but still Buffy worried. Things had improved for the two sisters since Dawn had made Buffy realise where they had both been going wrong. It was as they battled side by side against the animated corpses Willow had sent against them, that Buffy realised what her role should be: Dawn did not need to be protected from the world - she could already more than hold her own. What Dawn wanted from Buffy was a big sister, who would tell her the best way to get her crush's attention and what to wear on her first date. As Dawn matured, Buffy knew Dawn's needs would change, but fundamentally Buffy knew she would never be Dawn's mother. For all those big days in the future, the first heartbreak, Senior Prom, High School graduation and Dawn's wedding day, there would be no mom to bask in the pride, to kiss away the tears and make Dawn feel like a safe little girl again. All there would be is Buffy, who for all her strong protectiveness towards Dawn, knew it would not be enough. 

Still Buffy was glad Dawn would have the company of Janice tonight. She was sure anything that Dawn could get up to with her best friend would be nothing compared to the scrapes Dawn had gotten herself into with a certain soulless vampire... 

Pushing that thought out of her mind, Buffy dashed out of the house and leapt into Xander's car. He flashed her a heartbreaking smile and Buffy more than anything wanted her old Xander back. Reaching out, she grasped Xander's large hand in hers, squeezing tight. He turned his head towards her, his earnest brown eyes looking tired and worn. 

"Let's go, Buff. Time's a-wasting." 

Buffy merely nodded her head, as Xander pulled the car out onto Rovello Drive. 

With the Sanctuary 30 minutes away, it would be the longest 30 minutes of her life. 

********************** 

He was thinking of her again. Not in the way he used to; there were no frown lines there. He had come to a sort of compromise with himself. If he wanted to have a half-bearable eternity, he had to let some things go. That was quite an achievement for Angel, he whom had made brooding an art form for so many years. 

Still, he knew it did no good pining for a woman who did not really want him. It was just so hard seeing her every day - her being so close and yet so unobtainable to him. Still his feelings for Cordelia warmed a heart that had been broken for so long. He didn't need her to reciprocate. 

Knowing she was fond of him and would always love him in her own way was enough for now. It kept away memories of what the pain of love could do, of the day Willow's crumpled face had spelled the end of all the dreams he had ever had. Cordy taught him in the smallest of ways that life goes on - whatever happens, things never stay the same. For such a young woman, Cordy was wise beyond her years. 

Knowing he had made no progress in his research on the latest prophecy regarding Connor, Angel shut the dusty tome resignedly. Having a teenaged feral warrior for a son, who had been trained to hate your guts by your enemy, made fatherhood less than joyful. Still he loved Connor with all of his being, and was determined never to give up however hard it became. 

Through his persistence, Angel had managed to convince Connor that the mindless destruction of all his father held dear was not what Connor truly wanted. It had taken Angel's near death to prove this. After this, they had formed an uneasy alliance, based on Angel avoiding the pointy end of Connor's ever-ready stake. 

Angel flicked the light off on the desk lamp, and moved towards the window. It would be night soon in this glitzy city, his favourite time. It was at this time he could fight and forget. He could lose himself in the battle. All that had happened would become a distant memory. 

"Angel." 

Angel turned round, giving his former friend a cool glance. It was never easy seeing Wesley. His response was curt. 

"What do you want?" 

Wesley swallowed hard, but stood his ground. 

"There's been talk... on the streets - about you. It's not good." 

A bitter laugh escaped Angel's lips, as he merely stared belligerently at Wesley. Wesley shook his head sadly at Angel. "I know you don't trust me, but you-", Wesley began. 

Angel slammed his fist hard against the wall. "Why should I? You stole my son." 

Wesley took a step forward, never more keenly aware of the damage his good intentions had caused. Angel did not turn around. 

With simple honesty, Wesley told Angel, "There's not a minute I don't regret what happened and wished I'd done things differently. I just wish I knew how to make amends for what I did. But I don't. You'll never forgive me." 

Angel continued to stare at the wall his fist had smashed, Wesley's words making no impact in his heart. 

Wesley turned, beginning to walk away. As he reached the door, he paused and glanced back at Angel. His voice sharp, he warned Angel, "Just watch your back. You're going to need to." Then he left. 

Angel braced himself against the wall, anger coursing through his body. He fought hard to keep the demon back, to stop the golden glow igniting his dark eyes. 

Then it hit him. Angel felt his mouth go dry, the convulsions wracking through his body. It all went black... leaving Angel collapsed on a heap on the floor. 

********************** 

The mansion was quiet, eerily so. Four years of dust and forgotten memories clung to the walls that had once been Angel's home. The air shimmered with longing and hopes long gone, heavy as if holding its breath. Then the rumbling began. 

The body slammed to the ground. Bathed in sweat, a naked male form trembled, curling into himself. Face contorted in agony, the large man stared with terror at the world around him. 

Somewhere in the shattered remains of his mind, he knew he was back. 

Feedback please? wendy@immortalbliss.co.uk 

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	2. Chapter Two

  
  


** Chapter Two**

Buffy stared at the rain splattering against Xander's windshield. Somewhere between leaving the Sanctuary and arriving in Sunnydale, it had begun to rain. Buffy had no idea when. 

It had not just been seeing Willow. Buffy just had a feeling, that there was something she should know about. It was as if she had forgotten to do something, but couldn't think what. Her brain was in serious fuzzy mode - and the strangest thing was, she could feel *him*. She shook her head briskly. It wasn't possible and she knew it. *He* was in LA; *he* was far out of her reach. And as far as she was concerned, *he* didn't exist anymore. 

Not at least since she had realised he had probably moved on. After all, no one waits forever. 

Buffy glanced over at Xander. He was barely aware of her presence, eyes fixed on the road ahead. 

"Almost home now." It was a statement to himself, flat and empty. 

Buffy felt herself shiver. She hardly knew the man sitting beside her anymore. Still she had lost too much to give up on Xander too, a man she owed so much to. She shifted towards him, swivelling in her seat as she faced him. "Xan," she began softly. 

Barely a grunt came in reply. 

"She seemed better today. You know, much more like the old Will." She paused, waiting for Xander to react. Nothing. 

Buffy took a deep breath, then stated emphatically, "I think they're reaching her, Xander. I think she's going to make it." 

Still Xander stared ahead, not a flicker of emotion on his face. Reaching for Xander's hand, Buffy began to plead, "Xan, I know this is -". 

He cut her off, his chill words freezing Buffy's heart. "You know nothing. I know nothing. Willow's gone." 

Buffy shook her head slowly, tears welling in her eyes. "You're her oldest friend, Xander. You saved her. Don't give up on her now." 

Abruptly Xander slammed on the brakes, killed the engine and took the keys from the ignition. Startled, Buffy gaped at him as he opened the door, got out of the car and walked out into the rain. 

"Where are you going?" Buffy yelled after him. All she received was a shrug in return. Buffy intuitively knew it was a bad idea to follow him. Not knowing what else to do, she stepped out into the night air, feeling the rain pelt against her skin. Hugging her arms around her body, she began to walk towards home. She had a long walk ahead of her. 

With a slight chill, she realised she had just turned onto Crawford Street, and was close to Angel's old mansion. She could feel the tingling in her fingers and toes increase, her senses becoming more keen. She knew she was looking for something specific, something she knew was there. Being sensible, "big sister" Buffy, she dismissed it, trying to concentrate on reaching home. Striding along the pavement, the rain sleeking back her hair, Buffy mentally ran through her to-do list - pick up groceries, ring Janice's mom about the sleepover, *mansion*, kill vamps and demons, mansion-mansion-mansion! And the closer she was to the mansion, the stronger the feeling she had to go in there became. Her slayer sense was in overdrive, her body tensed for action. Pushing herself against the rain, Buffy sprinted, her legs heading automatically towards the abandoned mansion. 

********************** 

Anya smoothed back her layered blonde hair from her face, unsure of what to say to her inconsolable boyfriend. It had been a difficult year, what with their aborted wedding ceremony, her brief stint as a vengeance demon and well - Willow. Knowing how that name drained all the colour from Xander's face, Anya took great pains to avoid it. Still it was not easy spending most of her time with Xander walking on egg shells, pretending the whole summer of last year had never happened. Yes, they were back together, but there were a lot of wounds to be healed, a lot of words to be said. Anya knew however that now was not the time. 

Xander sat before her, facing the window, his face a mess of emotions. "I just left her there, An." 

Anya sighed, preparing to explain the seemingly obvious, concrete facts - at least to Anya's way of thinking - to Xander. "I'm sure Buffy will be okay. She's the slayer - rain is less likely to harm her than anyone." Watching Xander expectantly for signs of emotional improvement, Anya felt her heart sink as her words made no impact. In fact, he was now pacing up and down, his words becoming more and more jumbled. 

"Oh, I'm a bad, bad man," he raved. "I've just left my friend - no correct that, the bestest, most loyal friend I could ever have - to FREEZE!" The last part came out with such force, Anya started in shock. 

Tentatively placing a hand on Xander's shoulder, Anya tried to soothe her boyfriend. "Xander, it's okay. Really." 

Xander shook her off, banging both hands against the wall. "No, it is not. It is so not okay. I know that, you know that, so why don't we all stop the hell pretending?" Xander turned to face Anya, his dark eyes fierce and full of held-in hurt. Countering him, Anya looked him dead in the eye, her tone even, taking no prisoners. 

"No one's pretending, Xander - except maybe you." Xander stared at her, his mouth gaping open in utter astonishment. 

Anya took a breath, determined to have her say. "I'm sick of trying to make this work, when you won't even admit what's wrong. I love you so much, but you won't talk, you won't let me in. I just don't know what to say to you anymore." With that, all the fight seemed to drain from Anya, and she flopped down into a chair, her head in her hands. 

Xander continued to stare at her, nervously twiddling his hands. "I didn't know you felt that way." 

For a second, Anya did not answer, then softly she uttered, "That's because you never asked." 

Xander moved towards his girlfriend, dropping to a crouch. Gently he took her hands in his. "I'm sorry," he said simply. "How can I make things right?" 

Tiredly Anya glanced down at him, a wry smile crossing her lips. "Stop blaming yourself. It's not your fault." 

The flash of pain across Xander's face said it all. As he laid his head in Anya's lap, she gently threaded her fingers through his thick dark hair. She knew by the even deep breathing, Xander was calming - some real healing could now take place. There were still cracks, but now they were both acknowledging them. Anya began to believe, just for a minute, that their relationship might work. 

And as Xander stood up, took her hand and led her towards the bedroom, it was as if nothing had changed. Except in her heart, she kept that pain, the pain of rejection. Anya knew for her, their love would never be quite the same again. 

********************** 

The mansion was so quiet. That was the first thing that hit Buffy. It was an overwhelming absence of sound, without murmur or rustle, and the sense that something was not quite right here. After years of being the slayer, Buffy knew that now was the time to trust her instincts. 

As she made her way into the mansion from the rambling gardens, the strangest sense of deja vu came over her. She remembered sitting with Angel at the fireplace on her 18th birthday, while he tried to convince her that Elizabeth Barrett Browning's poetry was indeed a thing of beauty. The way the affronted literature lover in Angel had come out at Buffy's explicit dislike for all the thees and thous had been a slightly telling revelation... But mostly she remembered the tenderness of his fingers as he stroked her cheek, telling her he loved her - even if she hated the poetry. Buffy faintly smiled at the memory, at her youth and the days when she still had Angel in her head. It was all so complicated and difficult back then, more so than either of them could have handled properly. Yet she knew with all her heart she would have stayed. She knew she had believed in their love then and there, as tattered and torn as it might have been. It was strong and real. It had been unbreakable. 

A sudden crash in the courtyard sent Buffy flying to her senses. Dropping into an attack position, Buffy inched forward towards the noise. Then that tingling sense of nearness to Angel smashed through her again. She whipped her head round, expecting to see him behind her, when a huge bulk rushed at her, knocking her to the ground. 

Slightly winded, Buffy gathered herself up, eyeballing her attacker - and shook her head in shock. In front of her, in full vamp face, snarling and wild, stood her ex boyfriend, Angel. He looked as if all traces of sanity had been stripped, leaving him with only the primal drive of the demon. 

Buffy cautiously approached him, her face a mixed show of confusion and anxiety. "Angel..." 

In response, he growled and launched himself at her. This time she was ready. Flipping him over onto the floor with a heavy thump, knocking him unconscious, Buffy swiftly chained him to the wall. Staring dumbfoundedly at the slumped form of her former lover, Buffy huddled herself further into the corner, her mind only just registering that this was not the first time she had seen Angel like this. Except this time she was pretty much certain that he hadn't just returned from a day trip to hell... 

Feedback please? wendy@immortalbliss.co.uk 

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	3. Chapter Three

  
  


**Chapter Three**

The morning light filled the skies of LA. As all the beautiful people waxed and purged, it was the start of another day of "helping the helpless" for Cordelia Chase, which of course she couldn't do without jelly donuts and a coffee. Since the powers-that-be had got their act together and half-demonised her, life had been much easier for her. Visions came sans the huge migraine and the blinding pain, plus she could levitate and help the lost and hopeless in a totally novel way. Cordelia had the ability to see into the souls of others in deep, deep pain and somehow soothe it. This she had discovered when Angel's son had tried to kill her. It was quite a handy gift really and had come in useful on cases over the last year or so. 

Unfortunately, not when it came to her love life. Angel had last year, after Buffy's death and resurrection, and Connor's astonishing start to life, developed something of a crush on Cordy. Much to her deep chagrin, she had been utterly oblivious to it, thinking Angel had nothing but big brotherly feelings for her. Of course, it did not help that Fred and even Lorne were all on the bandwagon, telling Angel that he and Cordy shared kyerumption. As if! News to her. Angel already had a soulmate, and there was no way that she, Cordelia Chase, would be getting involved there. No matter how goofy Angel became, she knew that the big brooding guy was still in there, still brooding for his long-lost love, Buffy. 

So when Angel had made the pass at her last year, it had all been very awkward. Cordy, having only developed very basic tact skills during her years in LA, was somewhat blunt. It was not fair to give Angel the wrong impression. He told her that he thought he was in love with her. Cordelia had laughed and laughed. Eventually, when she realised he was serious, she had stopped and told him straight it was crap. Angel had looked hurt, incredibly so, reassuring her from the bottom of his heart it was not. To that, Cordy only had one answer - Buffy. After that, Angel had gone very quiet, made his apologies and shuffled off, telling Cordy she had no idea what she was talking about. 

At that memory, Cordy shook her head. Men could be so dense sometimes. 

Bursting through the doors of the Hyperion, she breezily called out a greeting. When no one answered, a slightly miffed Cordelia glanced at the small clock on the wall. It was 9am. Usually Angel was up and about by now. Walking through to the office, rapidly losing the juggling act with her breakfast, her donuts and coffee hit the floor when she almost tripped over Angel. 

"God!" she exclaimed, as she bent over him, roughly shaking him by the shoulders, "this is no place to take a nap, Angel. You nearly ruined my new shirt." 

As Angel came round, he groggily focused upon the annoyed form of Cordelia, standing over him with her hands on her hips. "What's going on?" he rasped, his head thumping. 

"I nearly tripped over you. You were totally out of it," Cordy told him. "What were you doing on the floor?" 

Shaking his head, the memories still hazy, Angel attempted to stand up. As he lost his balance, Cordy grabbed him, guiding his large frame towards his big leather chair. "Wow, you really are out of it," Cordy uttered in concern. 

"I feel really weird." He paused, uncertain of how to explain. "I'm pretty sure something's been done to me." 

Cordy looked at him expectantly. "Like what?" 

Shifting in his chair, his muscles aching, he said simply, "A spell." 

Reaching for the phone, pouting slightly, she retorted, "Well, that doesn't tell us much, does it?" Then she dialled Gunn's number. 

********************** 

Twenty minutes later Lorne, Gunn and a highly concerned Fred were all gathered around Angel's desk. Although rather less unsteady than earlier, Angel was still slumped in his chair, looking rather less get-to-it than his normal self. So instead, in a burst of efficiency, Cordy had taken the helm, filling in the others on the little Angel had told her. 

"So basically, that's all we got. Big guy here had a wig out and next thing he knows, his ass is in on the floor, he feels all weird and he's certain it's all because of a spell," Cordy explained, her words sharp more out of her irritation at being in the dark, than sarcasm. She looked keenly at the others, "So, any ideas?" 

Gunn let out a long whistle, his usual poker business face lost for a second in utter perplexion. Taking a look at Fred's frantic expression, Gunn quickly jumped in, "Could take a look on the streets. Don't know what kind of juice you'll pick up there." 

Seeing Fred's hopeful glance in his direction, Gunn inwardly beamed. He would do anything for this precious girl, his girl, anything to keep her happy. Touching his hand lightly, Fred chirped up supportively, "Oh, yes, me and Charles could go look up some contacts, see what we turn up." 

Lorne regarded the normally on-the-ball couple in wonder at their huge omission, his green brow furrowed. "Aren't you kids missing the obvious?" he asked them bluntly. "Angel-cakes here has one big old law firm always willing to stick the knife in." 

Angel wet his lips, surprised at himself for not thinking of it earlier. "Wolfram and Hart." 

At that, Lorne let out an involuntary round of applause, but quickly stopped as Cordelia banged her fist on the table. "Yes!" she called. "That's it, it's gotta be them. Why didn't I think of that?" 

Gunn gave her a sidelong glance, grinning at her evilly. "It's a tough job, being in charge. Hard to make the coffee *and* come up with the definitive answers." He teased. 

Cordy scowled at him good-naturedly then continued, "We know it's them, but we know they did a spell. But we don't know what spell they did-" 

"Or why," Fred added eagerly. 

"So we really need to find out then," Angel said tiredly, his frustration at not being able to remember the night before clearly troubling him. He knew there was one detail he was missing, a vital clue. He searched his mind... Someone had visited him last night. He stood up abruptly, breaking up the excited chatter that had sprung up around him. "I remember something," he began. "Someone came to see me, I think they warned me..." 

Cordy looked at him in askance. "Warned you? About what?" 

"They said I had to watch my back." Angel stopped, the memory finally becoming clear. "It was Wesley." 

Fred and Gunn exchanged confused glances. "Wesley? What has he got to do with all this?" Fred blurted out, unable to believe her former friend would become involved with something connected to Wolfram and Hart. 

Angel did not answer her, instead walking out of the room. 

"What are you doing?" Cordy demanded, already right behind him. 

"Going to see an old friend," he told her firmly. "Alone." 

Cordy shook her head. "You can't. Look at the state of you." 

Angel stopped, turning to look at Cordelia. "I'm fine," he assured her. "I need to find out what has happened here. I need you here to research spells which might be used to weaken an enemy, specifically me." 

Reluctantly Cordy stepped back. "Ok, but take care." 

Angel did not hear her; he had already left for the sewers. 

********************** 

The early afternoon sunlight trickled down upon Buffy's face, as she made her way back to the mansion, clutching a fresh bag of pig's blood under her jacket. Without meaning to, she had ended up falling into a restless sleep at Angel's side and had spent the night there. Waking up at the break of dawn, Buffy had rushed out, first checking Angel was still sleeping and more importantly secure, knowing she had to get home before Dawn went to school. As the slayer, she knew she could easily explain an all-night absence, but she knew her overly curious sister would soon start asking awkward questions if Buffy stayed out any longer. There would be no such problem tonight - Buffy had arranged for Dawn to stay over at Janice's house. Buffy wasn't ready to share her new discovery with anyone just yet. 

Making sure nobody was around, Buffy slipped into the mansion, carefully closing the thick drapes behind her. Gingerly approaching Angel, and placing the blood on the floor in front of him, she could not help but notice how even in the deepest of slumbers, he was unusually agitated, his body writhing against his chains. Her heart flooding with compassion, she gently stroked back his hair from his face, whispering to him, "Oh Angel, what's happened to you?" 

At that, Angel's eyes flew open in wild terror, as he flung himself forward at the person he held responsible for his incarceration. A little hurt, Buffy tried to hide her feelings, pushing the bag of blood towards the chained Angel with her foot. 

"Drink this," she told him, her voice breaking slightly, "you need to feed." 

When he did not respond, glaring at her with the fury of a caged animal, she inched herself forward, keeping her movements slow and predictable, crouching and picking up the blood bag, then offering it up to his mouth. Hungrily he bit down on it, draining the bag of its contents in seconds. 

Gazing into his eyes, Buffy saw no glimmer of the man she had loved; this Angel did not recognise her, just like the Angel who had returned from hell a monster. Instead of wallowing in self-pity, a new hope surged in Buffy. Maybe, just maybe, she could bring Angel back to sanity just as she had managed to last time. So taking the book of poems Angel had given her all those many years ago from her pocket, she began to read to him. 

********************** 

Trying to inwardly keep herself from smirking, Lilah confidently surveyed her colleagues across the boardroom. This was the big appraisal that only a day ago she had been secretly dreading; now she practically could not wait for it. 

"Lilah, we hear that you have made significant progress with the Angel problem," stated her superior coolly. 

Maintaining good eye contact with him, Lilah replied, "Yes, I have good reason to believe that we won't be having any further problems from that quarter for the foreseeable future." Allowing herself a small smile, she handed her superior a thick report. "You'll see from this that the spell cast should have already begun to turn Angel's humanity against him. He'll soon be right where we want him." 

Skimming the summary with a critical eye, he asked flatly, "And how can you be so sure that this spell will have weakened him? Spells of this nature, spells of frailty, are well known to have unpredictable effects." 

Slightly taken aback at her superior's attitude, Lilah swiftly assured him, "I researched this thoroughly. This spell was tailored to Angel. It's guaranteed to turn him into a guilt-ridden wreck, unable to fight any fight, let alone the good one. He'll be ready to give in to his true nature and be on our side. I'm certain it will have worked." 

Handing her back the report, her superior regarded her witheringly, "We will see. You're free to go now." 

Indignant at her dressing down, Lilah just about managed to give her boss a civil nod and leave the room without killing somebody. She could not believe this was all the thanks she received after all the hard work she had put in. She hated Angel so much, she just wanted to see his sorry ass disappear in a thick cloud of dust. Working for Wolfram and Hart however meant that was out of the question, worse luck... 

As Lilah sat back in her car, rubbing her hands over her tired eyes, she was startled by a sudden hand on her shoulder. When she recognised the soft but firm touch of the hand, she relaxed. "Wesley," she crooned, "whatever could you want?" 

Wesley glared at her, his grip on her shoulder increasing. "I just thought I'd let you know that your little spell hasn't worked," he spat at her venomously. 

Horrified, Lilah turned round, her eyes burning into his. "What do you mean?" 

Turning on a cruel smile, Wesley explained sardonically, "What I mean, dear, is that for all your scheming, you've landed on your arse." 

Wesley went to leave the car, but Lilah grabbed his wrist and held fast. "Not so quick, Wes," she drawled, "we're in this together. And I know you British guys don't like to disappoint." 

Knowing he was caught in Lilah's trap, Wesley gave in to his weakness and practically dragged her into the backseat with him. Pulling her down on top of him, Wesley wished that things were different, wished that he had other choices. Right now, this was it. 

********************** 

Buffy had lost track of time again. Sensing the need for her own rest, Buffy gently closed the book, and stood slowly. Although Angel was not asleep, he was peaceful now, and had been for the last hour or so. Gently placing a kiss on his forehead, Buffy promised him that she would return again tomorrow. Totally unresponsive to her, Angel stared dully ahead, as Buffy shook her head sadly and left. 

Blinking back tears, Buffy did not notice the figure that stood watching her behind the stone statue. Stepping out into the moonlight, his cigarette blowing little waves of smoke into the night, Spike watched the upset slayer stumble away. Smiling somewhat evilly at her misery, Spike began to follow her, hoping she was up to something she didn't want her little pals to be knowing about. If so, he fully intended to use it to his advantage. 

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Feedback please? wendy@immortalbliss.co.uk 


	4. Chapter Four

  
  


Many thanks to Meghan for convincing me to finish this story!

**Chapter Four**

Spike trailed after the figure of the rapidly disappearing slayer eagerly, a little spring in his step. He had been waiting for an opportunity like this for months, ever since she had told him it was over. His clever mind had literally teemed in pleasure when he saw her enter the mansion Angel used to live in. Any slight link to Peaches was sure to make her miserable, never a bad thing to a lovelorn, not to mention horny, vampire like Spike. He had to keep his involvement a secret, until the right moment- 

"Spike!" Buffy yelled at him, as she tackled him to the ground. "What the hell are you doing?" 

Annoyed at having been found out, Spike roughly shoved her off, and glared at her. "I was only out for a walk, is all," he said defensively, standing up and brushing the dirt off from his jacket. "Unlike Little Miss Secretive, I could add." 

"What's that supposed to mean?" Buffy asked him, her voice a little too edgy. Spike knew then he had scored a direct hit. 

"Well, here you are, hurrying away from this creepy old mansion that your ex used to live in, looking a little bit too guilty." He grinned at her, then, letting his voice fall to a whisper. "Of course, you won't want your little friends to know about it." 

"Just stay out of it, Spike," Buffy ordered him grimly. She pushed him out of her way, but he jumped right back in front of her, blocking her path. "Get out of my way. Now." Her voice was low, menacing and Spike knew she meant it. Tonight though, Spike did not care. 

"What you gonna do it about it, slayer?" he ribbed her, suggestively stroking his hand along her thigh. 

Whatever Buffy was going to say next soon became lost in the whirling force that was Angel landing his fists into Spike's mouth. The force sent Spike flying across the path, and he lay on the ground, too stunned to move. 

"What is he doing here?" Spike asked, his eyes widening further as he watched the snarling Angel stare deeply into the eyes of the slayer, and say her name in desperate hope. Then Angel fell to his knees, his arms wrapped around Buffy's tiny waist, crying. 

Lost in the moment, Buffy barely registered as Spike stood up and left, leaving them to it. Spike knew, as surely as holy water burned vampires, that there was no getting between those two. And he also knew that he would do anything for Buffy. So if that meant helping Peaches, so be it. 

********************** 

Wesley pulled his jacket tighter around his body. Although by the somewhat chill autumnal nights of his English childhood, LA was an oven, Wesley still felt the cold. It was funny, a year or so ago, he never thought about his childhood or his former home, but now it entered his consciousness all too often. Then he felt lonelier than he ever had. 

He had realised the price for his pride was too high when Angel, Gunn, Fred, Cordelia and Lorne had turned on him. He should have swallowed it then, been more humble. He had been so sure that taking Connor was the right thing, so sure he was protecting both the child and the father, one of Wesley's dearest friends. Maybe it was the self-righteous dogma of the Watcher's Council still ingrained in his being that infected his attitude, that made him unable to see at the time how much he needed their forgiveness. He only saw it all too clearly the minute he saw Lilah in his bed, and realised there really was no turning back. He was on his own now, without allies, somehow every single one of his father's withering criticisms pressing all the more heavily upon him. 

Opening his apartment door, Wesley threw his keys onto the counter, then turned to face the intruder. "Angel, what a pleasant surprise," he stated flatly, shutting his front door. 

Angel stood stock still, his eyes boring into Wesley's. "How about we cut with the pleasantries, and start hearing about what you know." 

Without quite knowing why, Wesley began to chuckle. Something in Angel's menace seemed faintly ridiculous to him right now, especially when Wesley knew he had little left to lose. Angel's fist hit Wesley square in the nose, and he went down, his face a mess of blood. But even as he struggled back to his feet, Wesley was still struck by the absurdity of it all, of Angel's glowering face, and his own mortal weakness. 

"I came for answers, Wesley. I won't tolerate any of your insolence," Angel rasped, his rage barely contained. 

Wesley then glared at him, his arms folded. "I told you all I can. That's it." 

Angel shook his head, his words laced with malice, "I don't believe you." 

Wesley shrugged, tired from arguing. "Believe what you like." 

Then Angel was right in his face, his hands threateningly gripping Wesley's throat. "I used to respect you," Angel spat. "You used to be your own man." 

Wesley pushed Angel off him, his eyes empty. "Bye, Angel." 

As Angel gave one last glare, and slammed the door behind him, Wesley reached into his pocket. Taking out a sheet of paper, his face became pained as he read his own scrawl detailing the ancient spell of frailty. 

********************** 

Somehow Buffy had managed to bring Angel back into the mansion. She had half-carried, half-dragged the sobbing Angel onto the couch, where she now sat with him, his head cradled on her lap. She gently stroked his face, telling him it was going to be okay, that she was here for him. And over and over he kept mumbling, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry" and Buffy just told him it didn't matter, that nothing did, even though she had no idea what Angel was so sorry for. 

He was sleeping now, finally, having exhausted himself utterly. Buffy tried to slowly slide herself out, knowing she needed to get back to Dawn soon. At sensing her movement, Angel stirred, and grasped his arms tightly around her. "Don't go," he pleaded softly. 

Buffy gazed down at him, her heart saddened by the need she saw in him. "I'm not," she told him. "I'll be back. I just need to make sure Dawn is okay." 

"Dawn...." he uttered, pained. Then he clung closer to Buffy, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-" 

Buffy grasped him firmly by the arms, her eyes fixed on him. "What is it, Angel?" 

Unable to meet her gaze, he began brokenly, "I remember, Buffy. Everything I did, everyone I hurt. I remember Dawn's little face, how terrified she was. She's just a little girl, and I... I can't bear it. I can't do this again." 

"Can't do what again, Angel? I don't understand," Buffy asked him, pressingly. 

"I can't be *him* again." The words came out in a whisper, and Buffy shuddered in sudden realisation. 

"You're not him. You're Angel. I know the difference," she stated vehemently, forcing Angel to look at her. "Everything that happened when you lost your soul was not your fault. That was him. We all know that, and it's in the past now. Gone." 

Angel started to push her away, his words a desperate rush, "No, no, it is my fault. How can you forget, it's all I saw! The faces of every man, woman and child I'd killed, your face as Acathla swallowed me. I'll never forget!" 

Buffy began to tremble as she gathered Angel to her, not knowing what to do. "I love you, Angel," she whispered. She kissed his forehead softly, then his nose and his cheek. Finally she lightly brushed her lips against his, and gasped as Angel responded with hunger. Angel's fingers threaded through her hair, as Buffy twined herself closer to him. It had been 2 years since she had kissed him like this, since he had come to Sunnydale after her mother's funeral. Why he was back now and what was wrong, Buffy didn't know, but she knew that she didn't want to lose this feeling. In his arms, she felt like he had never left. 

He did leave though, she thought to herself suddenly. She broke the kiss then, and pulled herself away. Angel looked up at her, his eyes pained and surprised. 

"I've got to go," Buffy mumbled, hurriedly straightening her clothes as she headed for the door. 

"Buffy...?" Angel asked her in confusion. 

"I'm sorry," she told him as she rushed out, her head swimming from the sudden return of feelings she had long worked to repress. Angel stared after her hopelessly, his face contorting to the comfort of the brood. 

********************** 

There was nothing. Absolutely nothing. At least nothing that narrowed it down. Cordy, Fred, Gunn and Lorne had been scouring every book, website and source they could think of for spells that weakened an enemy, and had come up with way too many options. Cordy rolled her eyes as her latest net search came up with over 700 links, and realised that most of them she had already visited or they were just useless. The one thing she had learned was that there were many spells of this nature, but none that seemed to match with what had happened to Angel. 

"Why can't Wolfram and Hart try putting the mojo on Angel in a more specific way?" Cordy complained. "It'd make my life easier." 

Fred lightly touched Cordy's hand. "We're doing our best." 

Cordy looked at her friend, and smiled tightly. "But it's not enough, is it?" She felt angry that Angel had been targeted yet again. She knew her friend had been going through a hard time just lately and she worried that this might be just one thing too many. 

Just then, the phone began to rang. Cordy looked at the others hopefully, then snatched up the phone. 

"Angel Investigations," Cordy breezed. 

"Hi Cordelia," a female voice replied. 

"Buffy? What do you want?" Cordy demanded, hoping that things weren't about to get anymore complicated with the return of the slayer. 

Buffy took a breath, "Well, umm, I was wondering-". 

"Not meaning to hurry you, Buffy, but we're kind of in crisis here," Cordy chided her. 

"What the hell have you done to Angel?" Buffy blurted out. 

"I didn't do anything!" Cordy exclaimed indignantly. "He made a pass at me!" 

Back in Sunnydale, Buffy nearly dropped the handset. Her Angel trying to get with Cordy? She couldn't believe it. 

"Are you still there?" Cordy asked. 

"Uh, yeah," Buffy replied, trying to get her head around this new information. 

"Well, it was nice to chat, Buffy, but some of us have work to do," Cordy bluntly pointed out. 

"Okay, bye Cordelia," Buffy mumbled, hanging up. She knew she should have told Cordy about Angel, but somehow she just couldn't. There was no way she wanted that girl hanging around Angel right now, not when things were already so confusing between herself and Angel. 

As Cordy heard the phone go dead, she put down the receiver and turned back to the computer screen. 

"What was that?" Gunn asked, bemused. 

"Nothing important," Cordy answered, already dismissing Buffy's phone call. She knew the girl had always been jealous, but really - she hadn't been with Angel for 4 years! 

********************** 

When Buffy arrived at the mansion, she was surprised to see Angel staring blankly into the fire. He seemed so small and so lost, despite the great width of his shoulders. 

"Hey," Buffy said simply. 

Angel turned to her, his eyes downcast. 

"I'm sorry about earlier," she began. 

"If you want to go, Buffy, please just go now." He interrupted quietly. 

"No, Angel," Buffy soothed, coming to stand beside him. "You don't understand. I'm not going anywhere." She slipped her hand into his. "I want to be with you right now, to take care of you." 

Angel brought her hand to his lips, and kissed it softly. "I don't deserve you," he told her. 

Buffy broke his self-deprecation with a fiery kiss. "You do," she breathed into his ear, as she pulled him closer, and lay her head on his shoulder. "It doesn't matter what we've both done, it doesn't matter anymore." 

Feedback please? 


	5. Chapter Five

**Chapter Five**

As Buffy raced through her yard, she knew she was seriously risking being found out. It was already daybreak, even if only just. The fact there was sun in the sky meant that Dawn would soon be up... Then there could be questions to which Buffy could give no answers, awkward silences and possibly lots of blackmail. It was not that Buffy wanted to lie to her sister, it was just that it would just be too complicated to explain it all to her. And why chance upsetting everything when Buffy was feeling so deliriously happy right now? 

Quietly as she could, Buffy crept through her back door. A part of her chuckled at how ridiculous this covert activity was; she was the adult, but she was acting like the kid! With Angel back in her life, it really was beginning to seem more like old times. Except this time, Buffy mused poignantly, she was hiding from her sister, not her mom. 

As Buffy gently pushed shut the door, Dawn appeared in the kitchen wearing Buffy's favourite shirt. Panicking, Buffy began to smooth her hair, and straighten her clothes as Dawn eyed her normally fashion conscious sister's messed up hair and creased clothes quizzically. 

"Rough night?" Dawn teased her sister, flicking back her own immaculately straightened long hair. 

A look of confusion crossed Buffy's face, rapidly followed by guilt, as she tried to think up a good alibi. Then, realising Dawn was joking, she burbled, "Um yeah, lots of patrol." 

Dawn gave her older sister a knowing smile and squeezed past her to pour herself a glass of orange juice. "Maybe I can come with?" Dawn asked her sister eagerly. Since she had started at Sunnydale High, Dawn had started to become an integral part of the Scoobies, managing to fill some of the huge gaping hole in the group due to the absence of Willow. 

All manner of panicked thoughts rushed through Buffy's mind. If Dawn found out, Spike could, so could Xander - then where would she be? Xander would be livid, and she was not sure how Dawn would react; it was the last thing the Scoobs needed now. It was bad enough that Spike knew, but he had promised her that he would not tell anyone - for a price. He really had not changed much. "Now's not so good. Too much demony stuff," Buffy lied somewhat unconvincingly. 

"Like?" Dawn persisted, not willing to let this slide by. She knew when her sister was hiding something; it was so obvious. She thought Buffy would have realised that by now. 

Abruptly changing the subject and her tactic, Buffy took some cereal out of the cupboard. "So, you hungry?" Buffy asked her sister brightly. 

Not bothering to hide the smirk on her face, Dawn sat down and leisurely stretched out her arms and legs in a clear show of her intention to let Buffy do all the work. "Sure. Eggs would be good." 

Just then Buffy noticed what Dawn was wearing. "Hey, that's my shirt!" Buffy exclaimed, crossing her arms in annoyance. 

Dawn smiled sweetly up at Buffy, then said, "Well, you've been *so* busy lately, I didn't think you'd notice." 

Taking a deep breath, Buffy barely repressed her torrent of rage at the sight of her all-too-smug teenage sister adorned in her shirt. She had only just bought it! "No, of course not," Buffy spat out insincerely, seething as she began to cook Dawn's eggs. 

Behind her, Buffy missed the mischevious grin plastered all over the younger Summers' face. 

********************** 

Buffy snuggled deeper into the crook of Angel's arm. It was so good to be this close to him again, to feel his arms snake around her waist, and pull her tight against him. They had sat like this in front of the fire for minutes, just enjoying the other's presence. Over the last few days since their reunion, Buffy had noticed a great change in Angel. He was beginning to relax and act naturally around her again, even initiating some of their contact. Whatever was troubling Angel seemed to be abating, and for this Buffy was grateful. He was becoming more like his old self again - well, the person he had been before he had left at Graduation. 

"Mmm, this is nice," Buffy told him dreamily. 

Angel gently kissed her forehead and continued to gaze at the fire. 

"You know, Dawn nearly found out this morning. She was asking lots of questions, but don't worry - Buffy saved the day," Buffy joked. 

Angel did not respond, and Buffy felt his arms stiffen around her. She turned to face him. "What's wrong?" she asked him, her voice filled with concern. 

"Nothing," Angel answered her, keeping his eyes averted. 

Buffy placed her hand on his shoulder, and spoke softly. "Come on, I know you. I know when something's wrong." 

Angel looked plaintively down at his hands. "It's just that I don't understand..." he began. 

"What?" Buffy prompted, running her fingers under his chin, forcing him to look up. 

"Why you don't want anyone to know" Angel mumbled, his face furrowed and downcast. 

Buffy ran her fingers through her hair, upset that she had hurt him. "No, Angel, that's not why. Don't think that." She trailed off, unsure of how to continue. It was so frustrating not knowing the right words to say to him, to make him see how important he was to her. Buffy gazed into Angel's eyes, trying to decipher his emotion. It was impossible. She took a deep breath, then began to explain herself. "You and me, it's complicated. And stuff with my friends is too. Right now, I don't want to get into anything big with them. I want to keep us separate - I want you all to myself..." 

Angel closed his eyes, and let out a sigh. He did not know what to believe. He knew that for whatever reason, Buffy thought she loved him, but he still could not rid himself of that niggling doubt that everything was not fine between them. Did Buffy really trust him? Did she really want him? Angel wasn't sure at all. 

Just then, he felt Buffy's hand gently stroking his cheek, her lips beginning to plant kisses all over his face. It was then his resolve broke, and he turned and kissed her deeply. Somewhere he lost himself in this girl, and his past, present and future ceased to matter. She was all he wanted and the reassurance he desperately yearned for came in the passion and need that oozed from her as she pressed herself closer. 

Breathing hard, Buffy pulled away, aware of how close they were to losing control. With a lightness in her voice, she said, "I mean, you'd never believe what I had to pull to come here. I left Spike at the house covering for me!" 

Angel stared at her, his eyes dark with fury. "You left SPIKE at your house?" he repeated in disbelief. 

A little non-plussed by Angel's attitude, Buffy replied, "Yeah, it's cool. Dawn's okay with him." 

Angel stood up abruptly, pushing Buffy off him. "Buffy, he's evil!" Angel ranted. "He could kill her." 

Buffy stood beside Angel, and laid a hand on his shoulder. "Nah, he's totally harmless. Spike's got a chip." 

Angel turned to her, his face utterly confused, shrugging her hand from his shoulder. "But he helped Angelus to complete the ritual for Acathla. He got Dru involved. He killed people!" Vamping out, Angel picked up a marble statue and hurled it against the wall. Buffy flinched as it shattered. 

Then there was silence. Buffy stared at Angel dumbfounded as he braced himself against the wall. She had no idea what he was talking about. He knew Spike had a chip now and all that stuff with Acathla had happened years ago. Then it hit her. "Do you really not remember?" she asked him softly. 

He turned to look at her then, a look of pain flashing across his face, and he murmured, "I'm sorry". 

Buffy reached out to him, enveloping him in her arms, and felt his large frame sag against her. Kissing his head, she whispered into his hair, telling him that it was going to be okay. As they sank to the floor, and she rocked him in her arms, a rush of hope filled her. If Angel could not remember anything past his return from hell, they could start again. There would be none of the pain caused by Angel's leaving. She could make sure he never left by keeping their relationship from taking the same path it had last time. It wouldn't be easy and it would take time, but she had to try. Angel was worth it. 

********************** 

The rustle of pages turning was the only sound that could be heard in the Hyperion Hotel. Fred, Cordy and even Gunn were hunched over a table, poring over ancient texts, while Angel sat in his office, staring angrily into the night sky. His meeting with Wesley had upset him more than he was willing to admit to the others. However by the knowing look on Lorne's face, he realised it would not be long before the green karaoke king would be offering his two cents. 

"Lorne, will you quit staring at me," Angel snarled irritably. 

Lorne held up his hands in mock protest. "Me? I think big guy here is feeling a little grumpy." 

"Just leave it," Angel replied tiredly, running his hands through his thick dark hair. He was not in the mood for another session of analyse-the-vamp with Lorne. 

Shaking his head, Lorne headed over to join the others in research. "You can pretend all you want, you big lug, but you'll have to deal with him eventually," he warned. 

Not answering, Angel stood up abruptly, following Lorne into the adjoining room. Cordy looked up at him, her eyes looking tired from hours of research. "Hey," she greeted him quietly. 

Angel smiled at her wanfully, wishing he could see more than friendly concern in her face. However hard he looked though, it just was not there. He had believed that Cordy had been the answer to his loneliness, not caring what her thoughts had been on the matter. He knew it was selfish to want her to love him, but he needed someone to. It was only at night when he closed his eyes that he felt the comfort of love again. His dreams were caught in the memories of 5 years ago, of the nights after his return from hell when a small blonde girl would tenderly nurse him. It was only upon waking that he realised he was utterly alone, and there was no Buffy to cling to. 

Fred peeked up from her book to look across at Angel. She wanted to know what had happened with Wesley, to know that her former friend was okay. She felt Gunn's restraining hand rest upon hers, as if he knew her intention. She smiled at him in simple understanding, then continued to work. 

Just then, they heard the bang of the door. Snapping alert from his reverie, Angel jumped to his feet and walked steathily towards the door. 

"Hello Angel," a familiar English voice said. 

Angel glowered at Wesley, his arms folded. Undeterred Wesley stepped around him, ignoring the looks of disbelief on his former colleagues' faces. "I believe I've got the information you're all looking for." 

********************** 

For the third night that week, Xander was parked on Rovello Drive. He had been planning to walk over, but after his blazing row with Anya, he had needed the pleasing roar of the car engine as his foot hit the gas. It blocked the pain of his failing relationship and the continual churn of guilt he had whenever he thought of Willow. He had been hiding things from Buffy, not letting her in. He wanted them to be able to talk like they always had. Most of all he wanted Willow back home, where he could make everything up to her. When she had gone evil, he had blamed himself. He reasoned that he had not been there for her enough, that he had been too wrapped up in his misery over Anya. Even though it had been his love for Willow that had stopped her from ending the world, he still couldn't bring himself to see that he was not to blame. 

Letting himself into Buffy's house, he made his way into the lounge. The bleached blonde vamp sprawled across the couch merely glanced up at him, then turned his attention back to the soap on TV. 

Enraged Xander grabbed hold of Spike, roughly hauling him to his feet. "What are you doing here?" he demanded angrily. 

Looking affronted, Spike pushed Xander off him, and straightened out his clothes. "I was just watching a spot of telly, is all," he answered indignantly. 

Xander continued to glare at Spike. "Where's Buffy?" 

Looking a little flustered, Spike began to lie. "Buffy had to go get some new stakes, so she asked me to wait around until Little Bit got home." He knew it was a lame excuse, and from the fury in Xander's eyes, it was obvious he was not buying it. Spike absolutely hated being at the mercy at this idiot, but Spike was a creature of self-preservation. So he said nothing. 

"I've been round here 3 nights this week and she's never here," Xander began, the impatience building in his voice. "Where is she really?" 

Just then, Buffy came through the front door, her face at best displeased by Xander's threatening stance. "What's going on here?" she asked, her voice low and commanding. 

Then Xander whirled round to face her, unleashing his pent up anger on her. "That's what I'd like to know! You're never here. You're supposed to be looking after your sister, but instead you leave this monster here waiting in for her!" he yelled. "And what about Willow? I've not heard you ask how she was once just lately. What's the matter, Buffy? Not quite as interesting as trawling around for your next boy toy?" 

A loud thwack sounded as Buffy's hand connected with Xander's face. He gawped at her in shock. "Don't you dare, you hypocrite," she warned him. "I've done everything I can for Will. But you? You don't even believe in her anymore." 

Xander laughed bitterly. "And this coming from the girl who was sleeping with *that* while her best friend went off the rails," he countered, his voice thick with contempt. "You disgust me, you -". Xander broke off, startled by the sound of footsteps through the front door. He gazed in amazement as Angel appeared behind Buffy, and protectively put his arms around her. 

Buffy craned her head to look up at him questioningly. "What are you doing here? You need to rest," she berated him. 

"That's what I'd like to know," Xander said sarcastically. 

Buffy ignored him, and stared pointedly at Angel. "Well?" she prompted. 

"I was worried," he replied somewhat sheepishly. "About you being alone with Spike." Angel's eyes glowed golden, a snarl coming from his mouth, and despite himself, Spike shrank back a little. When it came to his little slayer, Peaches was awfully possessive. Spike knew he'd be dust if his sire got to him. 

"So you should be, Deadboy," Xander taunted caustically. Gladdened by Xander's little jibe, Spike was about to stoke the fire some more, but a warning look from Buffy shut them both up. 

"As you can see, Xander, we're back together," Buffy said sharply. "So if you both don't mind, we'd like some privacy." With that Buffy leaned closer into Angel, brazenly kissing him. 

Shaking his head, Xander left, Spike following him with a smirk on his face. As the door shut firmly behind them, Xander turned to Spike with annoyance. 

"Why didn't you tell me?" Xander raged. 

"Why should I? Spike spat back, thoroughly sick of this man's tantrums. 

Completely exhausted, Xander sat down on the step. For a little while, he considered Spike's words. "She's my friend. He'll hurt her," he replied with quiet conviction. 

Spike sat down beside Xander, lighting a cigarette. "I hate the poofter more than I can you tell you, believe me, but she loves him," he told Xander. "He makes her happy. Leave it." 

********************** 

As Lorne, Gunn, Cordelia and Angel glared at him, Wesley stood defiantly at the head of the table. He allowed himself a thankful glance at Fred, who was the only person in the room he looked even slightly receptive to his ideas. "The spell that was used on Angel is known as Hejebejan, derived from the long lost magics of the Suputyans," Wesley explained. "It was designed to turn Angel's humanity against him to weaken him. Right now Angel was meant to be a brooding wet blanket, full of guilt for his sins, unable to fight. Except it didn't work that way." 

Angel scrutinised Wesley. "So how did it work?" 

"Let's just say it didn't," Wesley replied, his voice clipped. 

Rising to his feet, Angel started towards Wesley. "How about we say how you know all this? Been sleeping with the enemy, Wes?" Angel taunted. 

Wesley swallowed hard, but kept his steely gaze fixed on Angel. "That'd be my business." 

"Oh, I just remembered," Cordy interjected. "Buffy called earlier. She wanted to know what I'd done to you. Girl's freaking out. I knew there was something I had to tell you." 

Angel and Wesley looked at each other, realisation suddenly dawning on them. There was another Angel in Sunnydale! 

"We've got to get to Sunnydale," Angel said, as Cordelia began to protest. "NOW!" 

********************** 

Later that night, after Angel et al had left, Wesley let himself into his apartment. He was met with the sight of Lilah, scantily clad, perched upon his bed. 

Ignoring her attempts at seduction, Wesley callously threw a coat at her. 

"What?" Lilah asked, pouting at him. 

"We need to have a little talk. Your spell has gone wrong and created two Angels," he told her coldly, enjoying the sight of her highly worried face. "Look's like someone's in trouble." 

Feedback please? 


	6. Chapter Six

**Chapter Six**

It was all quiet now. Xander and Spike had long since left, but still Angel had not said so much as a word. He had sat hunched up on her couch, staring down into his hands. Any attempts to engage him in conversation had been met with grunts or just outright silence, so Buffy had given up and sat down on the couch beside him. 

Unable to bear the tension anymore, Buffy abruptly stood and began to walk towards the stairs. "I need to know what's going on," he said suddenly. 

Buffy turned slowly and coolly regarded the brooding vampire before her. "Well, for the last half an hour you've been pretty much avoiding all forms of communication. How's that for starters?" she retorted. 

Seeing the flash of hurt on Angel's face, she instantly regretted her sarcasm. "Look, Angel, I didn't mean that…" she began awkwardly, as he looked at her doubtfully. "Okay, I did mean that, but I didn't mean… you know," she uttered lamely. She then sat down beside him, twisting a strand of hair nervously between her fingers. "I don't know what's going on. Not with you, or with us. It's just one whole big mess." 

Angel stared straight ahead, unsure of what to do. Every instinct in his body was urging him to gather this tiny, lost-looking girl into his arms, but somehow he could not bring himself to do it. Who was he to offer comfort when all he did was to cause her pain and confusion? 

"Maybe I should go," he said quietly, not moving from the couch. 

Buffy turned to him, and placed her hand over his. "No," she whispered. "I don't want you to go." 

A torrent of uncontrolled anger went through him, as his frustration and unfulfilled yearning gnawed inside him. "Then what do you want, Buffy?" he demanded, grasping her shoulders tightly. 

"I don't know," she told him honestly. "You, me. For things to be like they were before you left, before you lost your soul. " 

"That can never happen," he replied, his voice laced with regret. He let her go. 

"Don't you think I know that!" she remonstrated, her eyes sparking with pain. "I've lived with the pain of losing you for 4 years now and it never gets any easier. I love you more than I will ever love anything else in this life and it's still not enough, is it?" 

Angel gaped at her in bewilderment. "4 years? I've been gone 4 years?" 

"Yes," she said finally, not wanting to push him any further than she had. "After I graduated High School, you left for LA. You've been running Angel Investigations ever since." 

"I don't understand any of this, it doesn't make sense," he raved. "I don't remember this life, these memories. I would never leave you!" 

Buffy looked on, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. What could she say? She felt as lost as he did. 

"It must be wrong, please tell me it's wrong, please, please…." he pleaded, burying his face in her hair. 

She held him fast, and began to rock him gently. "It's okay, Angel," she reassured him desperately. "We'll work it out, we will." And behind her back, she crossed her fingers. 

********************** 

Angel was tired. He had been driving for an hour now while Lorne, Cordelia, Gunn and Fred had dozed. In the rear view mirror he could see Gunn smiling dreamily in his sleep, the safe, self-assured grin of a man firmly in love, as Fred snored gently, slumped against his shoulder. He almost envied Gunn the simplicity of his bond with Fred, the innocence in the gesture of falling asleep side by side with a woman you loved. In all the years of his existence, it was the most human, most comforting thing Angel had ever experienced. It was what he had most longed for when he had first come to LA, to feel the soothing weight of Buffy as she slept against his shoulder. 

He knew that it was returning to Sunnydale that was making him have these thoughts. The loneliness was always most acute when he was near to her, being constantly tortured by what he felt he could never have. He sighed to himself, resolving to stop thinking about the past. He was here to do a job, to find out what Buffy was up to and how it linked to the spell Wolfram and Hart had performed on him. The fact there was another Angel running around in Sunnydale did not so much unnerve him as the thought of seeing Buffy again. The last time he had seen her had been shortly after her resurrection. 

As soon as he had heard the news she was alive, he had rang her up, desperate to hear her voice again, and know that his Buffy was alive again. Their conversation had been a jumbled rush of words, driven by the urgent need to see each other. They had both left then and there to meet, not caring what commitments they were leaving behind. On seeing one another, they had both just stared, spellbound at the sight of the other, unable to believe this was really happening. As Angel held her though, his heart turned cold. Although Buffy's body still responded as it always had to him, he felt within her an indescribable sense of sadness and loss. Her eyes had no sparkle, no life, as if the real Buffy was not really there. He knew then that Buffy's body may have been brought back from the dead, but her heart and her soul had not yet joined her. 

As they sat together on the clifftop, overlooking the ocean, Buffy had clung to Angel with a desperation he had never before seen. She had begged him to stay with her, to keep her safe. He had looked deeply into her eyes, then kissed her, his passion tinged with guilt and regret. Then he had told her that he loved her, but he could never meet that need - it would cost him his soul. The price was too great, so he let her go, telling her nothing had changed. And he went back to his shiny, new life. 

Shuffling in the front seat, Cordy yawned and pulled herself up. "Sorry, Angel, I must have dozed off," she apologised sleepily. "Where are we?" 

"Not far from Sunnydale now, we're about an hour away," he informed her, keeping his eyes on the road. 

"Home sweet home," she opined sarcastically. "Can't wait to be back." 

He half-heartedly nodded his agreement, not really listening to her chatter. His mind was now on other things, his stomach churning at the thought of seeing Buffy again. Damn Wolfram and Hart! Why did they have to complicate things when an apocalypse would have been so much more pleasant? 

********************** 

Lilah felt sick with fear. Not only was her career but her very life was in danger, and time was running out. She had to find a way to stall Wolfram and Hart. Casting this spell on Angel had been a huge risk, but she had felt it was a calculated one. She had spent months personally researching all the components of the Hejeban spell, checking all recorded instances of side effects and errors. She knew by heart every single possible outcome ever posited, including death of the victim, transdimensional rupture and even the strengthening of the victim in some way. The problem with this spell was that it was quite generic and was tricky to specifically target on weakening one aspect of a person's character. But Lilah had been assured that in a case as unique as Angel's, where he had a long history of brooding and a pesky soul to boot, it would be inevitable that his brooding would overtake his character. 

Now all Lilah knew was that that had not happened. Wesley had enjoyed telling her she had messed up, but was not kind enough to let her know anymore of the details. She guessed he still had some morals - not much use to a lawyer with Wolfram and Hart. Still she had other methods of getting at the truth if mixing business with pleasure did not work, and she was all for being pro-active. 

She gazed at herself critically in the mirror, smoothing her hair before applying a final coat of scarlet lipstick. If there was one thing Lilah had learnt in her life it was that when going to war, you put on your battle paint. 

********************** 

"I thought you'd still be here." Buffy picked up a cigarette butt and flicked it at Spike. 

He slowly came out from behind the tree, his face resolvedly unapologetic. "How well you know me, slayer," he quipped tiredly. "Where's Peaches?" 

"He's sleeping," Buffy replied. "I need your help." 

"What again?" Spike exclaimed. "So what exactly do you want this time?" 

Buffy glared at him, simmering him down to an obedient trot. 

"I want you to do some recon, check out with some of your sources if they know what's going on with Angel," she said. 

"What, trouble in paradise?" he taunted, quickly backing down as Buffy stepped threateningly towards him. "Okay, okay, I'll do it. Just tell me why." 

"Because Angel has amnesia. He can't remember anything past Acathla and his return from hell. Because this is Angel and I need to know what's wrong," she answered, her voice wavering with emotion. "Just do it." 

Spike nodded, then began to leave. "Buffy," he called. 

She looked at him in askance. 

"You always loved him, didn't you? You could never have loved me." Spike's voice was neutral, heartbreakingly factual. 

She did not answer him; she did not need to. The look on her face said it all. 

********************** 

Buffy loved to watch Angel sleep. It was a pleasure she had been denied for too long. There was something utterly breathtaking watching all of the worries drift out of his face and be replaced by the peace of sleep. It was the only time she ever saw the truly relaxed side of Angel, where his defences were let down. Even if it was through sheer exhaustion, Buffy felt a sort of honour that she who had seen Angel in some of his most vulnerable moments, could witness this sight. 

Letting out a huge yawn, she realised how tired she was herself. It had been a long day, and it was now well into the early hours. Not bothering to shed her clothes, she climbed into her bed beside Angel, and cuddled up against him. 

"Goodnight sweetheart," she murmured, before drifting off into her own deep sleep. 

********************** 

Dawn let herself into the house. She had stayed over at Janice's the night before and neither had had much sleep. They were too busy trying to work out which guys in their class were the most eligible dating material, and who had the hots for who. Janice was convinced that Dawn was secretly obsessed with some dorky guy in their homeroom called Jack but Dawn had countered that it was Janice who had the crush. Janice had blushed and gone very quiet, abruptly changing the subject. Dawn knew she had scored a direct hit. 

The house was unusually quiet for a Saturday. Even this early in the morning Buffy was as a rule up, making breakfast and roping Dawn into a workout session. Figuring Buffy must have had a heavy patrol, Dawn grabbed herself a juice and slumped in front of the TV. 

From outside, Dawn heard a car pull up. Not paying any mind, she continued to flick channels, surfing through the endless realm of kids' cartoons. Suddenly she heard a frantic knocking on the door. She froze, perplexed, not knowing what to do. Gingerly she approached the door, and peeped through the glass. What she saw there surprised. 

Huddled on her doorstep was Cordelia, a man covered in a blanket and 3 others she didn't know. Impatiently Cordy shouted, "Let us in, Buffy, unless you want your ex to fry-" 

Dawn opened the door and looked quizzically at Cordy. "Dawnie," Cordy retracted quickly, pushing the blanketed Angel through the front door. "It's good to see you. How are you and Buffy?" 

Dawn folded her arms. "What's going on?" she demanded, as Cordy and the others followed suit. 

"I'll let you know just as soon as I do," Cordy retorted. 

As Fred rushed into the living room, shutting all the curtains, Angel shucked off his blanket. "I need to speak to Buffy, Dawn," Angel told her. 

"I don't think she's here," Dawn answered, still confused by Angel et al's presence in her house. "Wait in here while I check." 

Her heart racing, Dawn sprinted up the stairs. Not bothering to knock, she burst into Buffy's room. 

"Oh," Dawn mumbled as she saw Buffy curled up with a male figure. She began to back away, keeping her eyes shut. 

"Dawnie?" Buffy called, her voice rising in panic. She quickly got out of bed and rushed towards her sister, awakening Angel in the process. Unnoticed by them both, he crept towards the door. 

"It's not what you think," Buffy offered 

Dawn looked at her sister in disgust. "Then tell me what I should think. I thought you were getting back with Spike." 

"What?" Angel's voice was full of shock. 

Dawn went pale. "How can you be with Angel? He's downstairs." 

"What?" Buffy asked in confusion. 

"No, he's not," said a voice behind her. 

Dawn turned and flinched at the look of anger etched on his face. She had never seen Angel look so enraged. 

"We need a little chat, Buffy. Starting with what you've been doing with Spike and why you've got a double of me in your bed," he growled, glowering at Buffy. 

Hiding her absolute shock at the discovery of two Angels, she openly glared back at her ex, declaring, "That'd be my business." Totally ignoring him, she turned to the other Angel and led him back to the bed. "Don't worry about what Dawn said. I'll explain it all later. You need to rest," she soothed, prodding him to return to bed. 

She gently closed the door behind her, then shoved her way past Angel. He grabbed her arm, forcing her to look at him. 

"What are you playing at Buffy?" he demanded. 

"I could ask you the same," she countered, alluding to his pass at Cordy. "But since we both want answers, how about you tell me why I'm getting two for the price of one?" 

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	7. Chapter Seven

**Chapter Seven**

Angel sat shellshocked on the bed. His grip on reality was rapidly slipping, and he was not sure he wanted to stop it. He was not even meant to be here. This was not his world. This world belonged to the "Angel" out there who was yelling at Buffy, the one who had abandoned her to go off to LA. How could things have come to this? How could that stupid, arrogant imbecile dare talk to Buffy in such a way, when it she who had given him reason to fight? And how could he have left her to Spike? Nothing made sense to him anymore. 

What galled him more than anything though, was the barely disguised hurt he heard in Buffy's voice. She still loved that Angel. The thought made him sick. How could she still want that poor excuse when he would do anything for her? He would never leave her like that idiot had. 

Now he heard that monster tell Buffy that she would have to give her "play thing" back because Wolfram and Hart had been casting spells. He had jointly smarted and celebrated as he had heard the loud thwack of her hand connecting with the other Angel's face, and glad it had not been him on the receiving end. 

Then it was quiet, a shocked silence he had surmised. Then the strained voice of Buffy had ordered his double to go downstairs and wait. He had heard subdued footsteps descending the stairs, then the door to Buffy's room was gently opened. 

Buffy smiled at him, desperately trying to cover the tears she wanted to cry. He looked up at her, not knowing what to say, or how to apologise for his double's behaviour. 

"I'm sorry," he finally mumbled. 

Buffy shook her head and snuffled. "What for?" 

"For him," he stuttered, ashamed. 

Buffy put her arm around his shoulders, and snuggled into him. "That's nothing to do with you. You didn't say any of those things." 

Angel looked at her closely. "But I did!" he countered. "He is *me* in this world. He's what I become." 

"No," Buffy remonstrated angrily. "He's not you, and you'll never become him. He's not Angel. I don't even know him anymore." 

"But it doesn't change the fact that I'm not meant to be here," Angel reminded her gently. 

They were both silent for a few moments as they considered the enormity of the situation. Buffy sieved through the options in her head, desperately trying to come up with an answer. She had planned to help Angel rehabilitate and then start a new life with him in Sunnydale, without informing his old team in LA. That was before she had discovered that there were two Angels, and the one in LA was not at all pleased at her ideas. She urgently needed help. 

"I'm just going to make a call," Buffy told Angel. 

"Who to?" Angel asked her. 

"Willow," she answered, as she dialled the number to the Sanctuary. 

********************** 

Dawn sat huddled up on the floor, staring at the stony-faced Angel. The last time she had seen him had been back while Buffy had been in her first year of college. He had been totally stalking Buffy, following her around Sunnydale to make sure she was okay. Well, that was his lame excuse anyway. Buffy had been mad about that, and had stormed up to LA to give Angel a piece of her mind. Dawn had not gotten to hear that part, since she had been stuck at her dad's, but she knew it had not gone well by the brooding look Buffy had worn all the rest of their visit to LA. 

"So, Angel, how are things?" Dawn asked brightly, wanting to break the awkward silence. 

"Okay," he answered gruffly, looking down at his hands. "And you?" 

Dawn nodded energetically. "Y'know, really good. I'm in High School now and Buffy's dropped out of college. But she's good…" 

"So I see," Angel commented dryly, the anger simmering in his eyes again. 

"I'm sure there's a good explanation for that," Dawn quickly added. 

"Isn't there always with Buffy?" Cordelia retorted cattily. 

Dawn glared at the seer, outraged at her bitchiness. 

"So, Cordy, what's with the hair? Did you dip it in a bottle of bleach or do the Powers That Be like you better that way?" Dawn asked in mock interest. 

Fred looked around in alarm at the rising tension, and racked her brain for a way to diffuse it. "So Dawn, did Angel tell you Lorne had his own karaoke bar in LA?" she asked chirpily. 

********************** 

Spike had been walking the sewers all night. So far he had turned up very little but blind annoyance at the lack of esteem the demons of Sunnydale now held him in. But Spike if nothing else was doggedly optimistic and was no where near ready to give up yet. He had one more demon on his list. 

"Clem, long time, no see," Spike said. 

The wrinkly demon smiled up at Spike brightly, then clapped his arms around him in a brotherly hug. 

"Hey Spike, how've you been?" Clem greeted. 

Spike shrugged Clem off good-naturedly. "Not bad, mate. Where are you calling home these days?" 

"Got myself a little place up near Crawford Street, it's nothing much…" Clem babbled, slightly nervously. 

"Sounds nice," Spike enthused. "See the thing is, I need to find out some information for a lady." 

"Oh, the slayer?" Clem enquired. "I didn't realise you two were still an item." 

"We're not," Spike barked. At seeing Clem's alarmed reaction, Spike quickly backtracked. "Look, I'm sorry. Bit of a sore subject." 

Clem shrugged his shoulders. "It's okay." 

"I'll level with you," Spike offered. "The slayer's fella has got himself in a pickle. Bit of amnesia or something. You heard anything about it?" 

Clem looked flustered. "Well, it might not be anything…" Clem began. 

"Yeah?" Spike prompted. 

"I heard these guys in Willy's Place talking about some guy named Angel. Never heard of him," Clem explained. 

"Okay," Spike said to himself. "This is more like it." 

********************** 

Lilah smiled seductively at the robed demon before her. "So, would you like a drink?" 

"What do you want?" It spat at her vehemently. 

Lilah flicked her hair, straightening herself up. "Some answers," she responded. "You performed the spell, it went wrong. Why?" 

It stood up, looking at her disgust. "We're done. No more answers." 

It stopped in its tracks as it felt the cold metal of a knife slice against its throat. "Your poison, I believe," Lilah posed conversationally, as she signalled for the Madrith demon to tighten its grip on the robed demon's throat. 

"Okay," the robed demon rasped. "I'll tell you what you need to know." 

"Good," Lilah praised. "I knew we'd come to some agreement." 

********************** 

Buffy still had not come down. He had been sitting in Buffy's lounge for the last hour having to listen to Fred and Lorne's endless prattle and the fire of snipes being exchanged between Cordy and Dawn. All the time Angel had been becoming more wound up, thinking about what Buffy could be doing up there with his "twin". 

"I'm going up there," Angel suddenly announced. 

"No, Angel," Cordy insisted. "You'll just get your nose punched out of joint for interfering." 

Dawn smirked at Cordy. "Well, good for Buffy." 

Before anyone could stop him, Angel had bounded up the stairs and was knocking on Buffy's door. 

"Buffy, come out," he ordered. "We need to talk." 

"Go away, Angel," Buffy called from inside. 

"Come on, Buffy, open up," he demanded. 

Suddenly the door opened and Angel was face to face with himself. 

"Hey, I - uh - need to talk with Buffy," Angel told the other Angel. He took a step back as the other Angel openly glowered at him. 

"Well, she doesn't want to talk to you," the other Angel growled. 

"I don't care what you say, I'm speaking to Buffy," Angel responded a little heatedly. 

He made to walk forward, but before he could even make a move, the other Angel had him pinned to the floor. "Gone soft, huh boy?" the other Angel taunted. "How dare you come near *my* girl and start ripping her heart out again? I'll kill you before you touch her!" 

"Angel - Angels - no!" Buffy yelled, as she flew to separate them. 

As the other Angel went to throttle his double, Angel nutted him, then threw him across Buffy's room. The other Angel was soon up, launching himself at Angel. They punched each other savagely, as Buffy tried to pull them apart. For all her strength, the Angels were driven by a primeval anger founded on jealously. 

Suddenly both Angels were thrown violently to opposite sides of the room. Both of them looked up dazed as a small girl walked into the room. "Hey Angels, I heard you needed my help." 

"Willow," Buffy said. She rushed over to her friend, and threw her arms around her. "Thanks for getting here so quickly." 

Willow looked at her friend awkwardly. "I wasn't sure you'd want me back." 

"We always wanted you back, Will," Buffy reassured her. "This is your home." 

"Buffy..." Willow cried, as her knees buckled beneath her. Buffy rushed over to her and guided her friend to a chair. 

"Will, what's wrong?" Buffy questioned. 

"I'm weak, not used to practising magic," Willow explained. "I wasn't sure I could." 

"Thanks for doing this for me," Buffy told her. "I know this is hard for you." 

Willow grasped her friend's hand and looked across at the two Angels. "Tell me what I can do." 

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	8. Chapter Eight

**Chapter Eight**

Spike pulled up the collar on his duster and made with the moody. Entering Willy's Bar was no mean feat with all the bad feeling towards him from the demon quarter, so Spike knew a tough appearance was an advantage. So was the knowledge he could wipe the floor with any of the losers in here. He knew they knew it and he relished the power. Having to stop himself from becoming too cocky, Spike grimaced. Think of Buffy doing that poof, he told himself sternly. That soon wiped the smile off his face. 

Still he wondered why he did all this for Buffy, when he got nothing in return. His behaviour hardly made sense to him: he was not exactly a selfless creature. He was what he was: a soulless demon, straight up. And she was the slayer. That is what it had been originally - an obsession, a slayer fixation. Now he felt a strange sense of love for the girl, a fiery, burning passion that drove his every action. There was a fine line between love and hate; perhaps that was the key to it all. Whatever, he realised it was not what Buffy wanted or needed. What they had had was not love. Not that it made the rejection any easier. 

So he sort of accepted they would never be lovers, but he could never really be her friend either. However, he would always do his best by her - whatever that meant. 

"Those the two," Spike spat at Clem. 

Clem nodded, slightly nervously, and began to back away. Spike gave him a small smile, giving Clem his permission to leave - which Clem gladly did. 

Spike grinned over at two vampires hunkered conspiratorially around a small table in the corner. "Well boys, what do we have here?" 

The two vampires stared meanly up at him, barely flinching. "Get out of here, loser," growled the stockier of the two. 

Spike paused, as if weighing up the remark, unhurriedly lighting his cigarette. "That's no way to greet a stranger," he retorted. "Seems you need to be taught how we do things round here." 

The stockier vampire began to move towards Spike menacingly, as his smaller counterpart looked on at them both with faint amusement. It was then Spike realised who was boss. 

Changing tact, Spike pushed the stocky vamp out of the way. "Ok, how about we lose the monkey and start talking to the organ grinder?" 

The smaller vamp arched an eyebrow. "And I would do that why?" 

Opening his coat to reveal a stake, Spike glared at the vamp. "Maybe you don't get dead." 

The smaller vamp defiantly folded his arms and sneered, "I got nothing to say." 

In a flash, Spike had the vampire by the throat, the stake poised over his chest. "Well, maybe this will inspire you," he countered. 

The vamp gazed up at his Spike, real fear showing in his eyes. The stockier vamp had long since scarpered, leaving the small vamp on his own. 

"Okay," Spike began, pressing the stake against the vamp's sternum. "I see you're ready to talk. So let's start with what you know about Angel." 

"Nothing," the vamp spluttered a little too quickly. 

Spike slammed his elbow into the vamp's nose, bringing a bright rush of blood. "Remembering yet?" 

"Okay," the vamp wheedled, smarting involuntarily at the blow. "I'm here to watch some dude called Angel, see where he goes, what he does. That's all I know." 

Spike shook his head, laughing callously. "You think I buy that crap?" Spike punched him hard. "Who sent you?" 

"Some demon. He said he cast a spell… Please, that's all I know." 

Dragging him to his feet, Spike almost heaved at the vampire's pathetic snivelling. He was a disgrace to the undead everywhere. 

"It's your lucky day. You're going to take me to this demon. And if you're really lucky, you'll do it in one piece," Spike taunted almost jauntily. This was almost beginning to be fun. 

********************** 

Somehow Buffy had managed to persuade LA Angel to leave her bedroom and return downstairs. She had begun with a simple request, but at his dogged resistance, had turned to repeated pleas. She had reasoned with him that she needed time to talk with Willow and the other Angel, but LA Angel had answered he wanted to talk himself, his voice very near to shouting. It was then that Buffy had gently pointed out that right now, it was the other Angel who needed her most; he was the one who had been thrown into a world 3 years into the future from his own time and he who needed answers most. With a firm push from Buffy and one glance from Willow, Angel had finally given in and left. 

Relieved, Buffy sat back on the bed, and grasped the hand of the other Angel. "Hey, how you doing?" 

"I'll be alright," he replied stoically, squeezing her hand tightly. 

"You know Willow's here to help, don't you?" Buffy asked him gently. 

Angel glanced up at Willow, and took in her pale appearance and worried expression. "I get it." 

Willow gave him a tiny smile, and stood up. "I'm glad, you know, cos not exactly the warmest welcome to be thrown up the wall. Usually I go with hi." 

Buffy tightened her grip on Angel's body as she felt the tension in his body. She wished she knew what he was thinking right now, so she could reassure him. But she knew that was fruitless - there was nothing she could say. 

"So what happens now?" he asked without preamble. Buffy almost smiled at his directness. It was never like this Angel to bite the bullet unless he was forced to. She thought fondly back to the night of her 17th birthday when he had given her the claddagh ring and he had fumblingly avoided saying the "L" word. But still she had known and that was all that had mattered to her right then. 

Willow glanced nervously at Buffy, breaking her reverie. In her mind, she heard Willow's voice, asking her what she was going to say. Mentally Buffy shrugged, not sure how to field his question, leaving the hard work to her friend. 

Willow brushed her red hair back behind her ears and swallowed. "Well, uhm, that kind of depends on why there are two of you… And how we can, y'know, resolve that, I guess." 

Angel sighed and let go of Buffy's hand, staring out towards the shuttered window. "That's what I thought." 

Buffy reached towards Angel, but he moved away. "Angel-" 

"No, Buffy," he answered pained. "I can't hear this right now. Just… I need to be on my own." 

Buffy looked helplessly at Willow, her eyes tearing up. Willow touched her arm. "Come on," she murmured, leaving the room. Buffy gazed at Angel for a moment, then seeing his resolve, quietly shut the door as she went. 

********************** 

Dawn gave Angel a sympathetic look as she saw him sat on his own at the table. The LA gang were busy researching or otherwise catching a few minutes sleep in the case of Cordelia. Otherwise she realised that no one had noticed his temporary absence. 

"Hey," she greeted him, as she took a seat opposite him. 

Angel looked up at the younger Summers sister and gave her a wry look. "So, great day, huh?" 

Dawn shrugged her shoulders. "Had worse." 

Angel was hit then by a sudden memory of Buffy having exactly the same nonchalance. He looked at Dawn then with new eyes, noting how in some ways, she was very similar to her older sister. She had the same stubborn streak, courage and sincerity that Buffy had always exhibited but unlike her sister, was completely and utterly devoid of tact. 

Dawn was now looking at him strangely and Angel realised he had been staring. "Sorry," he offered weakly. "Got a lot on my mind." 

"So I can see," Dawn said, all too pointedly. "So what's going on with you and Buffy?" 

Angel was gobsmacked. This he had not been expecting at all. "What?" 

"Well, you were up there for ages. We heard shouting, lots of banging. Figured you and Buffy were into something," Dawn replied nonplussed. 

Angel glared up at her. "There is nothing, and I repeat, nothing, going on between Buffy and me. The only person she's got eyes for is my evil twin." 

"Ooh, touched a nerve there," Dawn teased. "And by the way, he's not evil." 

"So," Angel countered sulkily. "Suddenly he's Mr Perfect round here." 

Dawn looked at this centuries old vampire in amazement. He had a nerve coming back here and playing the victim. "For your information, he's perfect compared to you," Dawn began heatedly. "You walked out on my sister, when she would have given up anything to be with you. And worse than that, you forgot her! So don't come here and act like she should give you any of her time when you've never been there for her." 

As Dawn stalked out of the dining room in a storm of self-righteous anger on her sister's behalf, Angel gazed down at his hands in a show of shame. He had not realised that he had stirred up so much resentment in Sunnydale - not just by leaving, but by trying to separate his entire existence from Buffy's. Of course, he had reasoned it was with the best of intentions, but now all he could see was a huge tangle of emotional turmoil. Why did he always have to do the wrong thing? 

********************** 

Willow and Buffy sat in the basement meditating. Willow held her best friend's hand gently, and tried to imbue a calming influence upon her. However, Buffy's concentration was shattered, and Willow could feel the deep unease within her. It was then that Willow decided it was time to make Buffy talk. 

"Buff, what's going on?" Willow asked her friend. 

With that, Buffy put her head in her hand and began to cry. "I don't know, Will. I'm so confused! I finally got back the love of my life and now I'm going to lose him. Again!" Buffy snuffled. 

Willow put her arms around Buffy and hugged hard. "Oh, Buffy. I'm sorry." 

"I can't do it to him, Will, I can't send him back," Buffy cried. "I don't care what anyone wants, I'm not going to lose him!" 

Willow regarded her friend sadly. "Buffy, I don't want to be the one who says this, but it's not just about you and er - 'Angel'. What about 'LA Angel'? I think he's freaked by there being two of him." 

Buffy shook her head defiantly. "Well, once he's found out what's going on with the spell, he'll go. Then it won't matter whether there's two of him or not." 

Willow almost laughed at the absurdity of Buffy's logic. "You can't just keep him, Buffy. He doesn't belong here - unfortunately." 

Buffy closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Will, I'm always doing the right thing, always sacrificing. But what do I ever do for me?" Buffy lamented softly. "I've died twice and next time I probably won't come back. What if I never get this chance again?" 

********************** 

Xander let himself into the Summers home quietly. He had spent all day at work thinking about his argument with Buffy and what Spike had said afterwards about letting it go. As much as he hated to admit it, Spike was right. All Buffy ever did was fight and look after Dawn - what sort of life was that for a 22 year old? Everyone deserved a little happiness, especially Buffy; and he knew, better than anyone, that for her, Angel was it. So, so be it. 

He stopped dead in his tracks as he saw a young thin woman, with long, dark brown hair, pour herself a juice from the fridge. 

"Who the hell are you?" Xander demanded. 

The woman screamed, and with that a green demon and an incredibly angry looking man ran in to her rescue. 

"And who the hell are you?" the man countered, clutching the woman defensively to him. 

"It's okay, Charles," she told him, looking at Xander with suspicion. 

"What's going on in here?" Angel asked, coming into the kitchen after the sudden noise. Spotting Xander, he motioned for the others to step down. "Hey Xander." 

"Angel," Xander greeted unenthusiastically. "Bring your crew?" 

"Yeah," Angel replied, relaxing a little. "This is Lorne, Fred and Gunn." 

Xander nodded at them briefly, before asking, "Buffy around?" 

"She's down in the basement with Willow," Angel replied. 

Xander's face turned white. "What?" 

Ignoring the others' protests, he stormed towards the basement. Descending halfway, he stopped as he saw Willow hugging Buffy tightly. 

"You're back," he stated flatly. 

Willow looked up at Xander, her eyes suddenly filling with tears. "Xander." 

As she stood and moved towards the stairs, Xander suddenly turned and left, pushing past Angel as he went. 

"Xander, wait!" Angel called. 

"Not now," Xander answered, his voice breaking. 

Angel walked to the top of the basement stairs, and watched on helplessly as Willow was wracked with tears that Buffy could do nothing to soothe. 

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	9. Chapter Nine

**Chapter Nine**

Buffy had just left Willow resting in her mom's old room. After a little while Willow's sobbing had stopped and she had asked if she could have a place to rest. The signal to Buffy had been clear: back off, give me some space. But it was the last thing Buffy wanted to do. Beyond comforting Willow, next on her list of priorities was the strong desire to give Xander a piece of her mind and maybe her fist. She had never been so angry with him. If he could act that way, he had no idea how hard it was for Will to come back here after everything that had happened -. He was supposed to be Will's oldest friend. Buffy balled up her fists in frustration, looking up at the starry sky. 

"It's hard, isn't it?" 

Buffy shivered, and turned round. She'd known he was there. 

"The worse thing is, I know how Xander feels," she replied, sitting next to LA Angel on the porch. 

"And how's that?" he prompted gently. 

"Guilty, angry, helpless. Like he's watching a sinking ship," Buffy told him, looking down at her hands. 

He looked keenly at her then, his eyes searching hers. "So the real question is, are you talking about you or Xander here?" 

Their eyes locked and suddenly it was as if they had never been apart. LA Angel went to reach for her hand, but she pushed herself away, quickly standing. 

"Buffy," he questioned, worried. 

"Err, I've got to go," she mumbled, awkwardly. "I've got to check on Angel." 

He watched her go, his thoughts confused. What on earth nearly just happened there and why was he so sad it stopped? 

********************** 

Spike stretched back leisurely in his car seat, his eyes taking in the grimy skyline of downtown LA. 

"Back in the big smoke - got to say it is missing something," Spike drawled, smiling evilly at his companion. The smaller vamp gulped, and smiled nervously at Spike. 

"What would you say it is, Vince?" Spike pressed, tapping his fingers erratically against the steering wheel. 

"Well, Sunnydale is much nicer, having a hellmouth and all, sir," Vince burbled, looking beseechingly at Spike. "Maybe that's what it is?" 

"Vince, Vince, Vince," Spike almost sang, punctuating each flash of the vamp's name with a punch to the dash. "Still so young and still so stupid. You should know by now I'm not much one for the pre-show - I'm all for getting answers. So where's Mr Demon at?" 

Vince drew an unneeded breath in utter relief at finally having a question he had half a shot at answering. "Like I told you, I always met him around here." 

"Convenient," Spike retorted, looking pointedly at the door. "So what are you waiting for?" 

Not needing to be told twice, Vince jumped out, looking anxiously around for any signs of the demon who had got him into this mess. He had thought it would be easy money, but now he wished he had never heard of this freak, Angel, let alone this psycho peroxide vamp, Spike. Only being sired 8 months at best, Vince knew next to nothing about the ways of the demon world but he was learning fast - and right now, if he wanted to stay dust-free, he knew he had to tow the line. 

"So, where is he?" Spike demanded, irritably. 

Vince looked down at his feet. "I don't know." 

"What do you mean, you don't know?" Spike leered, gripping Vince's collar, his other fist dangerously close to Vince's face. 

"Look, I can find him," Vince promised, his voice shaky. "Just give me a chance." 

Spike slowly released Vince's collar, giving Vince a chance to smooth down his rumpled clothes. Spike nodded at Vince, who nervously began to make his way down an alley. Spike cursed at his luck for being stuck with this numbskull, who, unfortunately for Spike, was the best lead they had. 

********************** 

Buffy knocked tentatively at the door of her own bedroom, feeling slightly awkward. Just an hour ago, she would have slipped in here without thinking about it, but now, she wasn't even sure what the boundaries were. She wondered how exactly they had gone from being inseparable soulmates to super-polite; somewhere between this Angel's big emotional block off and the little moment she had bolted from with his counterpart. 

There was no answer to her knock, but Buffy was in no mood to wait. She knew Angel too well to think that alone time was a good thing for him when things were troubling him. He would just brood and push the people who loved and cared about him away, preferring to deal on his own. That was not an option as far as Buffy was concerned. 

Buffy inched the door open, and flicked the light on. Her heart lurched at the sight of Angel lying flat on her bed, staring fixedly at the ceiling. Suddenly all her feelings of awkwardness disappeared and she was overcome with a rush of tenderness for this vulnerable being. She sat quietly at the end of the bed and waited for him to speak. 

"It's funny," he began, still staring upwards. "I never realised that you had such a fascinating ceiling." 

Buffy had to resist the urge to chuckle. Typical Angel reaction: avoid the emotional heaviness through wit. "Well, you know, one of the best in Sunnydale," she returned, mock serious. He looked at her then, and almost smiled. 

"So, I guess you didn't come up here to talk ceilings," he joked. 

"Really not," Buffy conceded, moving a little closer. "But I did want to see how you were doing." 

Angel sighed loudly, and pulled himself up so he was sitting against Buffy's pillows. "Maybe that's not an area we should get into right now." 

Buffy reached forwards and touched his hand lightly. "I think now's perfect timing. Spill," she told him firmly. 

"Buffy, what can I say? I feel lost, like I don't belong. Like I'm living someone else's life, stealing someone else's girl. I shouldn't be here, and we both know that," he replied, his voice deepening in frustration. 

"No," Buffy cried. "We really don't know anything. Who's to say you don't, who's to say-" 

"Don't, Buffy, please," he whispered. "We both know how this is going to end and I don't want to draw it out anymore than necessary. I can't bear to hurt you." 

"Then don't," she pleaded, grasping at his shoulders. "Don't give up! Give us a chance to work this out. I need you to be strong for me, Angel. I need you to believe we can get through this." 

Angel gazed at her face, fired with love and absolute belief, and he had no more fight. From what Buffy had told him, that had been "LA" Angel's mistake, to battle against her love and acceptance; and he had seen firsthand the damage that this rejection had done. He decided then not to make the same mistake. "I love you, Buffy," he said simply, kissing her forehead. 

"Good," she answered softly, snuggling up against him, closing her eyes as she felt Angel's comforting arms around her. 

********************** 

Xander had first gone for a walk, then had decided to run, letting his legs take him on an endless journey - until of course, he had been stopped by crippling stitch and the need to breathe. Still he had felt a strange sense of freedom he had been without for months, a lightness of mind. He had had no other purpose but to move, to tramp over gravel and earth, and it was exhilarating. But then he had stopped and realised he had to go back. 

Now he was outside 1630 Rovello Drive, staring at the 3 panes of glass in the front door, wondering why everything always came back to this point. Why out of all the things that he, Xander Harris, could have been destined for, was this it? He was just an ordinary man; he had no special powers. Why did he have to be subject to the emotional debris of world savage? 

He turned round, not at all surprised to find Buffy's ex eyeing him carefully. "So, is this where you go for the man-to-man chat? Cos really not up to hearing about this from Mr Sensitive, Soul-having, Soul-saving extraordinaire," Xander snapped. 

Angel grabbed hold of his shoulders firmly, glaring icily at Xander. "No this is the point where you grow up and stop acting like such an asshole," Angel rejoined, as Xander's mouth hung open in surprise. "You can't just go around lashing out when people need you." 

Xander shoved Angel off him, straightening his shirt up. "Why don't you just go back to being the slayer's lapdog instead of trying to act like you give a damn?" 

"I do care," Angel reiterated. "It's what I do; it's my mission. I save souls. And Willow needs help right now." 

Xander shook his head in disgust. "So what do you think, that you can come back here, get the girl effortlessly and bag a soul savage simultaneously? Well, Soul-boy, I've tried with Willow, tried and tried. And it really didn't work too well. She's gone, none of the old Will left, and yellow crayons ain't gonna cut it this time." 

Angel gave Xander a withering look, digging his fingers into his hand. "So you just give up? Have you got so little faith in her and in yourself?" Angel asked incredulously, as Xander grimaced back at him. "What happened to you, Xander?" 

"Maybe I got older," Xander cracked bitterly. 

"No, Xander," Angel responded with quiet conviction. "I think you got jaded. Maybe I'm trying to save the wrong person." 

"Maybe you ought to save yourself first," Xander said, beginning to walk away. 

Angel swallowed his pride and went for the jugular. "I think you're right. And I only just realised that tonight when I saw how she felt for him." 

Confused, Xander looked back at Angel. "Who? Spike? That's way over." 

"No, Him. The other me," Angel replied, slightly crestfallen, sitting down on the step. 

Now Xander's face was completely and utterly lost. "You don't know, do you?" Angel questioned. "Well, someone's cast a spell, making two of me. And I think you know the rest." 

Xander sat down beside him, a bit stunned. "That happened to me, too. But Willow put us back together." Realisation suddenly hit him. "Oh no, Will! What have I done?" 

Angel stood up, and opened the front door. "She's in Joyce's old room." Xander gave a quick nod, and dashed up the stairs, hoping against hope he had not done too much damage. 

Angel watched the night sky for a moment, contemplating his conversation with Xander. Friendships, loves, family - they were all too fragile. He just hoped it was not too late for him to make his own amends. 

********************** 

Somewhere in the distance, a police siren wailed across the LA streets. Lilah shut her blind, and focused back on her guest. 

"So," she began brightly. "Can I get you anything?" She looked at the robed demon before her, gagged and bound, surrounded by Wolfram and Hart guards. "Guess not," she mocked, indicating his condition. 

The robed demon glared at her with a mixture of fury and pure malevolence, but Lilah did not even flinch. Instead she continued to smile at the demon as she watched one of the guards take out a knife. 

"I'm quite disappointed actually," Lilah said. "I thought demons of your order had some honour. Apparently not. My sources tell me you've been following your own agenda, messing with the spell you were contracted to cast on Angel for your own gain. Well, I'm here to tell you that we at Wolfram and Hart take breaches of contract very seriously…" 

With that, the guard slashed the demon across the throat, as it squirmed in the chair. 

"But, luckily for you, we know that one very interesting side effect of your spell was the appearance of another Angel in Sunnydale," she told him. "Which is why, you'll be pleased to know, I've sent a team of our best operatives there to look see." 

With that, the demon struggled violently, as the guards quelled him with a shock from a cattle prod. 

"Don't worry," Lilah soothed, carefully filing her nails. "We'll soon be at the bottom of all this. And then there won't be any need for secrets - or for you." 

Next part coming soon. 

Feedback please? 


	10. Chapter Ten

**Chapter Ten**

Willow sat and listened to the night. With her mind, she began to reach out, plunging into the unseen world. She pushed away her pain, focusing on the warmth she could feel emanating from the natural world. Gradually it began to envelop her, cosseting her in its acceptance like a mother welcoming a long-lost child. Willow began to smile, lifting back her head as if caught in the soft patter of April rain. Then she felt it. Something was wrong. She was not as safe as she seemed. Someone was coming. 

Willow fell out of her meditation hard, the previously soft lamp light harsh and stinging to her eyes. Scrabbling to her feet, Willow began to move towards the door, her head groggy. Just then, the door opened, and Willow stumbled out of it straight into Xander's arms. 

"Woah, Will, are you alright there?" Xander asked her, concerned. 

Brushing Xander's arms from her, Willow pushed herself up and tried to concentrate on staying steady. "I'm fine," she told him sternly, beginning to move forward again. 

Xander caught hold of her arm and held her fast. "You don't look it," he stated brusquely. As Willow frowned at Xander's rudeness and struggled to break free of his grasp, Xander swiftly apologised, "Will, I'm sorry, I'm not much with the tact. I'm sorry about earlier-" 

Willow defiantly tugged her arm free and looked back at Xander evenly. "I don't have time for this now," she told him firmly. "I've got something important to do." 

Xander looked on as Will moved boldly towards Buffy's door and knocked. When Buffy finally answered, her hair ruffled by sleep, there was no time for pleasantries. 

"Buffy, we've got trouble. Wolfram and Hart are coming here and soon," she stated. It was then Xander really realised just how wrong he had been about his bestest and oldest friend. 

********************** 

As Buffy set off on patrol, she had an overwhelming sense of foreboding. Strangely it had absolutely nothing to do with Willow's warning and everything to do with the fact the two Angels were joining her. Clutching her stake tightly, she tried to will her anxiety away and focus on the job in hand. However, as the other Angel took her hand tightly in his and smirked at LA Angel, she realised that really was not a viable option. 

"So, Angel," she began tentatively, both Angels listening attentively. "Sorry, I mean Angel from LA," she mumbled awkwardly, glancing apologetically at the other Angel. "Umm, what's the big on Wolfram and Hart?" She finally asked. LA Angel gave her a wry grin, as the other Angel protectively wound his arm around Buffy's waist. 

"They're basically an evil law firm, emphasis on evil, who've hated me from minute go because I'm not evil, and I have a pesky habit of messing up all their plans," he replied, becoming increasingly distracted by his alterego's efforts to flaunt his relationship with Buffy. 

From under his breath, the other Angel muttered, "So some things never change." Buffy gave him a sharp dig in the ribs, warning him not to continue this rivalry with LA Angel. In response, Angel shrugged, leaving LA Angel fuming. 

He walked on for a while in front of the couple, then casually commented, "I hear you've had a rough time just lately, needing Buffy's help and all. Maybe you ought to leave the tough stuff to me and Buffy." 

Angel's grip on Buffy's hand stiffened, and his face became an impenetrable mask as he rounded on LA Angel. "Well maybe if you ever stayed around long enough, that would be an option," he riposted spitefully. "But then we all know you also have that pesky habit of leaving." 

"Better than hanging around too long, I guess," was LA Angel's tart response. 

Buffy looked on in horror as these two muscular, articulate and menacing vampires began to descend into childish bickering. It was all becoming too much. Finally she could stand no more and she jumped between them. 

"Stop!" Buffy yelled, stopping their arguments in midsentence. Both Angels looked at her expectantly, still nonverbally tussling for her attention and approval. She fought the urge to roll her eyes at their mutual male patheticness. "Look, right now we need to focus. I don't want to hear anymore," Buffy warned them sternly. 

Other Angel smiled contritely and gave Buffy a tender kiss. "I'm sorry, love," he told her sincerely, and Buffy hugged him in return. 

"Oh can you believe him?" LA Angel cried in disgust. "He's manipulating you, Buffy!" 

Angel threw a look of derision over his shoulder. "Sounds to me like you're beginning to see just what you're missing out on." 

Before LA Angel could open his mouth to reply, Buffy had torn herself free from Angel's arms and was walking off towards the cemetery. 

"Buffy, where are you going?" Angel shouted, beginning to chase after her. 

"To patrol," she answered firmly. "Alone." 

"Buffy!" Angel pleaded, catching hold of her arm. 

"No, I'm done!" she screeched, removing her arm briskly from Angel's grasp. "Sort it out between you - you sound like little old ladies or something." 

Slightly defeated Angel let her go. LA Angel was smirking, gladdened by what he perceived as friction between the happy couple. 

"I don't know what you're smirking at, it's your fault she's gone," Angel sneered. 

LA Angel took a moment to consider this, and shook his head. "Whatever. I'm going back." 

Angel took one last look at the path Buffy had gone. If he followed her, he knew he would infuriate her even more. No, she needed time to calm down and he needed time to come up with a good apology. 

"Coming?" LA Angel called irritably. Slowly Angel turned round and began to trek back. He only hoped he and LA Angel had not upset Buffy too much. 

********************** 

Later that night, Buffy returned home. She had found nothing out of the ordinary on her patrol, and so, reluctantly, and more than a little disappointed, she had decided to call it quits. After all the tension between the two Angels, she had been hoping for a fight to let off some emotional steam but no such luck. Instead she had to come back empty handed to be piggy in the middle between them yet again. 

Hoping to avoid both of them for the present, Buffy made the unusual move of entering the house through her mother's bedroom window. In there she could see Willow sat on the bed, her laptop in front of her, furiously tapping away at her keyboard. 

"Hey Buff," Will greeted her, a mischevious grin on her face. "How was patrol?" 

Buffy gave her best friend a hunted look. "That bad, huh?" 

"You don't want to know. I sent them both home," Buffy admitted. 

Will stopped typing for a moment. "You know, when Oz came back, I was confused. It was a hard time but you told me I just had to be honest." 

Buffy sat down on the end of the bed, amazed at Willow's ability to always get to the heart of the matter, but right now, Buffy was not ready for that discussion. "No, it's not that… I want to put things right but I don't know how to without losing Angel and I'm not doing that," Buffy stated decisively. 

Will fiddled with her hands nervously, not wanting to upset her friend. "We've already talked about this Buffy, and I know how important Angel is to you, but - you know, what I mean," Willow bumbled. "Look, Buffy there are only two options here-" 

Buffy flopped back on the bed, looking up at the ceiling. "Don't tell me - keep him or lose him." 

"Yeah," Will admitted. "But it might not be that bad. I think there might be a spell I could do, but I've got to do a lot more research on it. It might be the solution we're looking for." 

Buffy shot up. "What is it? Could you do it now?" she pressed. 

Will smiled at her friend's sudden eagerness. "Really not," she answered. "It's only an idea but I think I might be able to join their essences or something…" 

Buffy shook her head resolutely. "No, absolutely not." 

"Buffy..." Willow reasoned. 

"You remember the first time he left? You remember how much it hurt me?" Buffy said quietly, a tear beginning to trickle down her face. "Well you're not turning the love of my life back into the person who did that, the person who convinced himself he was so over his soulmate that he could move onto Cordelia, while I was dying inside. No way." 

Willow gently held Buffy while she composed herself again. Will understood how important it was to her that neither Angel saw how this situation was tearing her apart, how she had to be the strong one in front of them both for different reasons - one for pride, the other for love. However Will knew that once she convinced Buffy to trust her, that her idea would work - and it would not leave Buffy on her own. 

********************** 

Dawn felt a little uneasy as she sat watching the two Angels sitting side by side researching. The similarity was of course uncanny - they had the same smirk, lopsided grin, and the same soulful eyes. Most scarily of all, they both had the same way of eyeballing at her when they sensed she was being nosy. Luckily Willow appeared, giving Dawn ample chance to escape. She gave Will a grateful smile, as she scampered up the stairs to see Buffy. 

Will stood before both Angels, hands on her hips. "Guys, we need to talk," she said. 

"Okay," replied other Angel, a little unsure of what was going on. 

"You both know we've got a lot of work to do. You two aren't exactly the best of buddies. And there lies my problem," Will explained bluntly. 

Both Angels gave Will an odd look, as if not understanding what her point was. "We don't have to get on. We just have to solve this problem," LA Angel retorted, as other Angel nodded in agreement. 

Will crossed her arms determinedly. "So here's where you're not understanding. You're going to make up, no ifs, no buts-" 

"But-" Other Angel objected. 

"No, you make up," Will replied emphatically. "Now I'm going to go, and you boys are going to have a little chat. Got it?" The slight menace in her eyes gave neither Angel room for argument. 

"So," began LA Angel, a little uncomfortable. 

"Look, I'll say it for both of us," other Angel said coldly. "I don't like you, you don't like me. You broke my girl's heart, moved on and shut her out of your life. So I think that says it all." 

LA Angel was a little taken aback by his counterpart's open hostility - and strangely, a little hurt. "It wasn't like that," he answered quietly. 

"So what was it like? You got bored with the soulmate thing and decided to head for the big lights?" other Angel taunted. 

LA Angel felt a twinge in his heart, remembering all those painful memories and suddenly he was right there again. 

_I want my life to be with you._

_I don't._

He still couldn't believe he had actually said that without his heart breaking in two. It had not though and his life had somehow gone on. Until now. 

"No, I made a huge mistake," LA Angel responded, surprising the other Angel. "I thought I was protecting her, from the pain of our relationship, from doomed love and from Angelus. I thought I was making the right decision, doing what was right for her." 

"And who were you to decide that?" other Angel questioned him ruthlessly. 

"Her soulmate," Angel said simply. "I loved her more than anything. She was everything to me. You must know that - you're me. You have no idea of what we went through after I came back from hell, and I could see us killing her." 

Other Angel considered the heartbroken look of the vamp in front of him, and felt pity. "So when did you stop believing?" he asked. 

"Excuse me?" LA Angel said sharply, caught off guard. 

"You must have stopped believing in her and in love," other Angel elaborated. "That's a shame. You missed out big time." 

LA Angel glanced at his counterpart sadly. "And don't I know it." 

********************** 

Spike was almost deliriously happy. He and Vince had just enjoyed one of the most satisfying bits of violence Spike had experienced in weeks - okay, more like days, but still! Not only had Spike had the chance to inflict serious pain on a no good poxy Chaos demon, he had made the demon grovel and beg and plead. That had been the best part, as he had made that demon pay for every drop of humiliation Drusilla had put him through when she had left him for one of those slimy lowlifes. Of course, he had also found out the location of the robed demon, which was, in Spike's book, a pleasant coincidence. However as always, things were far from simple. 

Taking out his cell, Spike pressed the speed dial and waited for someone to answer. He secretly hoped it would be Buffy, but as her heard the voice on the end of the line, he knew it wasn't her. 

"Is that Fred?" Spike barked. "Yeah, it's Spike. Well Twig, we got news. Wolfram and Hart have got the demon who cast the spell, and if we don't get him out, we won't know why there are two Angels." 

Spike listened slightly baffled as Fred began to rabbit on about the need to hurry and form a plan. "Course I got a plan," Spike covered lamely, mentally cursing himself for his failing in that area. As Fred continued to berate Spike for so obviously not being prepared, Vince tapped him on the shoulder anxiously. 

Spike swatted his hand away, but Vince persisted. "Boss, you should really see this." 

As Spike turned round, he was stunned to see Wesley Wyndham Pryce glaring at him impatiently. 

"Gotta go, Twig," Spike said, hurriedly switching his cell off. He raised his eyebrow quizzically at Wes. "So what's a good little watcher doing in a big nasty place like this?" 

Wes bristled at the insult, but kept his expression suitably unimpressed. "Heard you needed help getting into Wolfram and Hart, and that's an area I know a lot about." 

"So I hear," Spike drawled suggestively, further irritating the former watcher. "Okay, Wes, let's have a little chat - we never did get to have one of those did we?" 

********************** 

Torture was truly an artform, Lilah decided. In her time at Wolfram and Hart she had seen her fair share of acts of depravity and violence, but there was nothing like seeing a double-crossing demon receive its comeuppance. Especially when that comeuppance was so achingly slow and painful in its completion. 

She frowned at the way the demon sagged from the metal stakes that pinned it to the wall, slightly disappointed that the demon's breaking point was looking imminent. She gestured to a guard, who savaged kicked the demon in its face. The demon groaned, barely lifting its head. Lilah grabbed its chin, forcing it to look at her. 

"It's been a long day and as great as it's been, it would really be better for you if you just told me what I wanted to know," she posed amicably. "So what do you say?" It dropped its head in defeat. "Good." 

"The Slayer, I did it to distract her," it said raggedly. "I was to raise Gwah Ra Kal, as part of another deal." 

Lilah paused at this new information, and suddenly another plan was forming in her mind. "Perhaps I won't kill you after all," she offered sagely. "As long as you're willing to share." 

********************** 

Willow was making a grand job of rallying the troops, except, she noted sourly, for the main they all seemed rather distracted. Whilst Dawn, Fred, Lorne and herself had already began to knuckle down to do more research on the the spell and possible antidotes, Gunn and Xander were having little luck in engaging Buffy, the two Angels or Cordelia in strategy planning. 

Willow put on her most grown up, sternest voice and addressed the others. "This is serious! You all better get your asses down to some work or…" Willow paused as she scrambled around for a suitable threat. "Else," she finished, barely keeping her fierce composure at Buffy's amused expression. 

"Willow, trouble is always coming, yadayada," Buffy countered, lacing her fingers through other Angel's hair. "I don't think you guys really need me and this Angel right now just to come up with a plan to see whether Wolfram and Hart are here. You guys from LA could handle it eyes closed. Right guys?" 

Xander went to object, but a sharp look from Buffy made him quickly retract. She smiled gratefully at the gang and began to lead other Angel out of the room. Before too long Buffy's shrieks of laughter could be heard as other Angel chased her to her room. 

"You with us, man," Gunn prompted LA Angel. 

"Huh?" Angel replied, his eyes all too fixedly trained towards the stairs Buffy had just disappeared up with her boyfriend. 

Cordy frowned at Angel, a little perturbed at how much attention he was giving Buffy. As soon as Buffy had called her in LA, she knew there would be trouble. There always was when Buffy was involved. Cordy just hoped that they could leave Sunnydale before Hurricane Buffy hit them all again. 

To be Continued. 


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Chapter Eleven**

Wesley stared at the reprobates in front of him with barely hidden despise. He was used to working with champions, people who had honour and would give everything they had for the good fight: now he was stuck with two incredibly arrogant and uncooperative soulless vampires. One an undead legend with a past penchant for impaling his victims with railroad spikes and the other - a total and utter hopeless case. He mused philosophically that it was perhaps not a bitter twist of fate that he, a former watcher and trusted member of Angel Investigations would become the leader of two hapless vampires. Rather, he reasoned, it was some strange karmic bone tossed his way to make his road to the minglings of black and white just a little more textured. Still Wesley was a very determined man and more than capable of being forceful when it was required. 

"This is the plan. We're getting in through this point here and moving to where the Robed demon is via this route," Wesley elaborated confidently, illustrating his plan on the blueprints of the Wolfram and Hart building. He could see the beginnings of a smirk forming on the bleached blonde vampire's face, and could feel it moving to infect the cowardly underling, Vince. Wesley slammed the blueprints down hard, startling the two demons. He spoke harshly, "As you Spike have neither the intelligence regarding where this demon is, or the brains or guts to formulate a plan yourself, I suggest you shut up." 

Spike arched his eyebrow and said nothing, his expression becoming ever more derisive of the former watcher. Inside Wesley felt himself boiling, burning with murderous rage, but outside he let nothing show but cool, considered condescension. Still the grainy feel of the spring-loaded stakes concealed in his shirt sleeves gave Wesley a comforting sense of control and satisfaction. 

"Let's not forget, Spike, Buffy is counting on you. And who do you think she will blame if this all goes wrong?" Wesley taunted calmly. A flash of understanding crossed Spike's face as he realised just how much he had underestimated Wesley and the lengths to which he would go. Spike could lose everything, but he could not lose Buffy - even though he knew it was over for them. 

"Fine," Spike retorted. "I didn't know you had it in you to play dirty, but you got me there. Can't be on the wrong side of the slayer. Now what's this plan of yours?" 

Wesley allowed himself a small smile. Things were finally beginning to go to plan. 

********************** 

Buffy flopped down on the chair, pulling other Angel with her. Cordelia sighed dramatically, making a huge show of moving the large pile of books she had been working through right away from them. Pointedly ignoring her, Buffy smiled up at other Angel, as he gently rubbed her arms. 

"You're tense," other Angel soothed. "Just relax, it's okay." 

LA Angel came into the room behind them then, and sat down on the couch beside them. "He's right, Buffy," LA Angel confirmed. "We've patrolled and there's no sign of Wolfram and Hart. There's no more we can do right now." 

Buffy smiled appreciatively at the Angels. "I know, I know, both of you guys are right, so stop with the double act," she answered, putting her arms up in mock protest. "But, I just know they're here, lurking and I can't stand the wait." 

LA Angel reached forward and took her hand firmly in his. "Look, whatever happens, we'll deal. You've got us," he promised softly. 

Buffy looked hard at him, willing herself to be comforted by his words of strength and conviction, but somehow she just could not. Right now there was so much more than just their safety at risk; she had her whole heart at stake. Whatever he said, if she lost her Angel, she lost everything - all over again. And he would not be there to help her pick up the pieces. 

********************** 

Spike watched with a slight sense of unreality as Wesley fearlessly dropped through the hatch, ready to disarm the vampire-detector shamans with a masking spell. Somehow this gawky and awkward former good boy had turned himself into something of a man. Secretly Spike was a little impressed although he had no intention of ever letting Wesley know. 

Suddenly there was a flash of blue as the spell took effect. Wesley calmly gestured, and Spike slid through, clumsily followed by a highly excited Vince. In annoyance, Spike whipped round, giving Vince a threatening glare. "You're s'posed to be a vampire, numbskull! What's with the skitters?" Spike demanded. 

"Sorry boss," Vince wheedled. "It's just, this is like something out of James Bond or something…" 

"Hardly," Wesley commented dryly. "Now hurry up." 

In an uncomfortable silence, the three made their way down the vent, eventually coming to the deserted store cupboard on Lilah's floor. As Spike came through behind Wesley, his arm knocked against a mop, sending it crashing into a hapless Vince. "Oh God, it's a stake!" Vince yelled, rushing towards Spike. 

"If you don't shut it, I'll stake you myself," Spike spat, pushing Vince off him. 

"If you both don't shut it, I'll stake you both!" Wesley threatened. Spike scowled at him, and gave him a mocking salute. 

Ignoring him, Wes carefully opened the door, and peered around. Seeing Lilah, he rapidly pushed Vince and Spike back into the cupboard, closing the door behind him. 

"What?" Spike demanded, confused by Wesley's actions. 

"It's Lilah," Wesley said, and then added at Spike's blank look, "She's the lawyer who's holding the demon." 

"So, get rid of her," Spike countered, nonplussed. 

A spark of an idea crossed Wesley's eyes, and he turned to Spike. "Even better, I'll distract her. And I know just the best way," Wes responded, his lips curling into a wicked grin. 

"I'll bet," Spike jibed. "You really are the mission man - at any cost." Wesley gave him a dark look, and went to leave the room. Spike blocked his way. "Hang on, what are we supposed to do?" 

Wesley rolled his eyes. "Get the bloody demon. I thought that was obvious." 

********************** 

LA Angel held an unneeded breath, as he watched the tiny blonde slayer vault across the horse, and land squarely with her stake pressed against the other Angel's chest. She was just so graceful and fluent, the power in her movements obviously having been refined since he had last seen her train. 

She looked up at him brightly then, suddenly seeming like the carefree young girl he used to know. "So how did I do?" she asked, as the other Angel smiled proudly up at the slayer still sitting astride him 

"Well, umm," LA Angel stuttered, a little distracted. "That was good. You still need to keep your flips a little tighter, but - uhh - really, no problem." 

"I think it was perfect," other Angel added, pulling her down into his arms, and rolling her gently so she was pinned to the floor beneath him. 

Buffy giggled slightly and gave him a quick kiss. "Well, you're biased," she teased. 

"Completely and utterly," he responded seriously, beginning to sweep in for another kiss. 

The two glanced up as LA Angel sounded a loud and deliberate cough. "Sorry," Buffy told him, quickly standing up. "I guess we got a little distracted. LA Angel gave her a slightly feigned smile, as he reached for an axe. 

"It's time for hand-to-hand combat," he explained weakly. 

Other Angel leaned back against the wall, eyeing his counterpart warily. "Sure, go ahead," he said. 

Suddenly LA Angel flew into combat mode, flinging his axe full throttle at Buffy. She dodged daintily, swiping at him with a broadsword. He ducked, carrying the momentum of his forward movement to knock the sword from her hands. She quickly recovered, coming at him with a series of roundhouse kicks, jabs and punches, which he deflected. As she sprung into a flying snap kick, LA Angel grasped hold off her leg, sending her crashing to the floor. Other Angel started forward, worried his girlfriend may be hurt, but Buffy held up her hand, indicating she was fine. 

LA Angel knelt over her, offering her his hand. "Had enough?" he teased. 

"No," she retorted jokingly. "But you're looking a bit worn." 

LA Angel smiled ruefully, as Buffy took his hand. Something in the gesture sent a frisson of memory through her, and her eyes met his. He broke the gaze quickly, aware of the other Angel's overprotective glare, and helped Buffy to her feet. 

"Thanks," she said, slowly releasing his hand. "It's been a long time since we've trained together like that." 

"I know," LA Angel replied huskily, trying to keep his emotions in check. "Good to know you're still in shape," he quipped, giving other Angel a quick grin. 

Other Angel came forward then, putting his hands on Buffy's shoulders. "Shall we go through ambush tactics again?" he asked her. 

"No," LA Angel responded a little too speedily, causing the others to look at him with surprise. "I mean, we don't want to overdo it. We have had a pretty intense session," he clumsily explained, inwardly chastising himself for his poor choice in words. Good one, Angel, he thought. Intense - just let everyone know what you're thinking, why don't you. 

"Okay, if you're sure," Buffy answered, a little uncertainly. "We'll just finish up down here and see you in a few." 

He nodded, and made his way swiftly up the stairs and out to the hall. I can't let this happen again, I can't let this happen again, he mentally chanted, totally unaware of the fact Cordelia was straight in front of him. 

"Hey!" she cried, as he smacked straight into her. "Not invisible." 

"Sorry, Cordy," he mumbled, beginning to move off again. 

"So what's with the brood face?" she called after him. Angel stopped abruptly, and spun round to face her. 

"I do not have a brood face," he replied through gritted teeth. 

"Sure you do," Cordy answered a little coldly. "You've just been with Buffy and she always makes you miserable." 

"She doesn't always make me…" Angel trailed off, realising what he was about to say as Cordy looked at him expectantly. Rapidly Angel was filled with a growing irritation at Cordelia's unsophisticated manipulation. "What's the matter, Cordy? Feel bad you're not number one anymore?" he taunted her viciously. 

Cordy stepped back, visibly angered by his petty comment. "Please, get over yourself," she countered bitingly. "You just can't handle that you're not Buffy's number one anymore." 

Angel looked down, his eyes pained. He turned and began to walk away so Cordy would not see the full extent of his hurt. "I'm going to sort through the weapons," he told her. 

Cordelia looked after him pensively and wondered if she had been a little harsh. Oh well, she reasoned, it was too late to take it back now. 

********************** 

In a sleek black van, parked just down the road from Buffy's house, two male operatives from Wolfram and Hart watched eagerly as Angel stalked away from Cordelia. On another screen, Dawn could be seen researching with Lorne and Fred, while another showed Buffy and the other Angel training. 

"I'm sure Ms Morgan will be very interested in this," the first operative commented. 

"Yes, I'm sure she will," the other operative agreed, picking up his cell to ring Lilah. 

********************** 

Spike pulled irritably at his suit. He hated this outfit - it nothing for his complexion, not to mention totally undermining his carefully crafted bad boy image. Asserting himself, he gave Vince an unsettling glare, then at Vince's reflex flinch, shrugged back into his suit, smiling. Now this was more like it. He swaggered more confidently down the hallway, slightly swinging his borrowed suitcase. Well, borrowed was a loosely figurative expression - a surprisingly well-aimed punch from Vince had knocked the nice lawyer man out and the rest was history. 

Spike gave an appreciative glance as an attractive young lawyer in an Ally McBeal style short skirt suit walked by. However, his smile soon faded as he spotted a guard sporting a particularly vicious looking cattle prod. Quickly he pushed Vince into a vacated office. 

"What the-" exclaimed Vince, as Spike clamped a hand over his mouth. He spied the guard, then whispered, "Oh." 

When the guard had passed, Spike pushed Vince back into the hallway. "Go on then, you great twit. Get moving," Spike ordered. Vince gave him a slightly hurt look and scurried along. 

They reached Lilah's door, and Vince slid into a defensive stance, his hands forming a gun. "What are you doing?" Spike asked, bemused. 

"Oh sorry," Vince replied, slightly disappointed. "It's what Mulder and Scully always did." 

Spike shot him a warning glance, and then kicked open the door. 

"That's more like it," Vince muttered, following Spike into the darkened office. Then he saw the Robed Demon, bound and gagged. "Well, lookee what we have here," he commented, pulling the gag roughly from the demon's mouth, to Spike's nod of approval. 

"Vince, how good to see you. Come to mess up again?" the demon replied disparagingly. 

"Least I'm not the one who got his ass trussed up in Evil Lawyer Central," Vince returned cattily. 

"You couldn't avoid a stake in a veggie bar," the demon called childishly. 

"Well you-" Vince started, but was stopped by Spike's firm grasp on his shoulders. 

"Now ladies, you can finish your girly chat later when we've got out of here," Spike drawled. 

The Robed Demon laughed caustically. "I'm not going anywhere." 

Spike glowered at him. "Is that right?" he asked, his voice low and dangerous, giving the demon a savage punch to the jaw. The demon gasped in pain, as Spike followed with a few more blows to its head, rapidly knocking it unconscious. "Asleep so soon?" Spike sneered, tightening the ropes around the demon and reapplying the gag. 

Vince stared at Spike in awe. "Wow," he breezed. "How can I be like you?" 

"Bloody hell," Spike cursed. "Stop bloody gawping and give me a hand." 

Together they dragged the demon out of the office and down the hallway. Then they heard a womanly giggle and the smacking of lips, before Wesley was thrust into the hall, looking incredibly ruffled. 

"Wes," Spike said, openly smirking. "You look a bit shaken and stirred." 

Wesley grimaced and quickly straightened out his clothes. "Anymore of that, and you'll be dust," Wes snapped. "Now let's get this demon out of here before anyone sees us! Why have you idiots brought him this way anyway?" 

Unbeknownst to them, in the office Wesley had recently vacated, Lilah was sat, taking a very urgent phone call. 

"This better be good," she barked. "You've interrupted something very important." 

Lilah's expression lightened to its usual sly slant as the operatives explained to her the latest developments in Sunnydale. "Good," she told them. "It's time for your next move. But you keep her alive." 

********************** 

Buffy shut the door to the basement firmly, and then, checking no one was around, let out a huge sigh of relief. Just being besides the two Angels was more than enough to send her senses into overdrive, but actually having them both charge her , simultaneously? Buffy had been completely and utterly frazzled, emotionally speaking, and that was even before they had practised ambush tactics. She just needed some space, so it was only lucky that the other Angel was happy to remain tackling the punch bag for a few moments longer. She was so engulfed in her Angel frenzy that she did not notice Cordelia standing right in front of her, arms crossed. 

"Cordelia, I didn't see you there," Buffy gasped. 

"No," Cordelia retorted crisply. "You were likely too caught up in your little Angel fantasy. Tell me, Buffy, how does it feel to have not one, but two Angels, wrapped around your little finger?" 

Buffy gaped at Cordelia, taking in the venom in the former cheerleader's voice. Then the frustrated infuriation Buffy had always felt toward Cordy began to awaken, causing a dangerous spark of challenge to flare in Buffy's eyes. "Jealous?" was her tart rejoinder. 

Cordy rolled her eyes in disbelief, and snapped, "What is it with you and Angel and the jealousy thing? I am so not jealous of you and him. Remember, he made the pass on me!" 

At the mention of the infamous pass, Buffy blanched, and looked a little more contrite. "I remember, Cordelia," she conceded, then added fiercely, "It's still none of your business!" 

The warning made no dent in Cordelia's onslaught. "Like hell it isn't!" Cordy cried. "Your problem is Buffy, you like to have your cake and eat it. He left you, so now you're making him suffer." 

"Bull," Buffy scoffed. 

Cordy came closer to the slayer, her hands resting on her hips. "No, I don't think so," she pressed. "I've seen the way you've been with them both, all flirty and sexy, but I'm telling you now, you can't have them both!" 

Buffy looked squarely at Cordelia. "I don't want them both. I'm with the real Angel, the only one I've ever wanted," she answered emphatically. 

"Oh come on," Cordy protested. "It's so obvious you're doing the transferry thing." 

Giving Cordelia one last look of annoyance, Cordy stalked up the stairs to the bathroom. She let the hot water of the shower hit her solidly, scalding her skin, as thoughts of the last few days coursed through her mind. For 3 years she had secretly hoped Angel would return to her, and now she had not one, but two. Cordelia had no idea what she was talking about. How could she? Buffy closed her eyes, and thought of the days when it had all been so simple, when there had been no decisions to make, and pretended to herself, just for a minute, that this was the case now. And then, she really did not feel so confused anymore. 

********************** 

The book slammed down emphatically in front of Xander. "I'm done," he stated. 

"Xander," Willow remonstrated. "We still need to do more work on this spell." 

"That's more your department, Will. Anyway, my brain is aches. My brain is so tired it's drivelling out of my ears towards beddy byes," Xander complained, holding his head in his hands dramatically. 

Dawn suppressed a giggle, as Willow tried to look stern. Xander gave her an impish grin, and then threw a cushion at her. 

"You want to get mean, mister! Well two can play at that game!" Willow yelled, preparing to ambush him with a pillow fight. Suddenly the glass in the front window shattered, sending them all diving for cover. 

"Dawn!" Xander cried, as 6 operatives leapt into the front room, knocking Dawn over. 

Swiftly Buffy appeared, her hair dripping wet, with both Angels behind her. The operatives rushed towards them, stun guns in hand. 

"They're coming for Buffy!" Willow shouted, suddenly fully comprehending the meaning of her earlier premonition. 

"Thanks for the heads up," Buffy replied, before deftly landing an operative a fierce blow as he tried to grab her. Just then, several operatives jumped into the room, all heading for Buffy. 

"No one lays a finger on my girl," other Angel said forcefully, snapping an operative's arm. 

"Right," LA Angel agreed, flinging an operative against the wall. Neither one was going to let anyone hurt Buffy. 

To be Continued.


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Chapter Twelve**

They were surrounded. As Buffy pummelled an operative, to either side of her she could see both Angels landing punches and executing kicks, and her friends and the LA gang battling too. The nearer the operatives came to her, the weaker she felt herself becoming. It was as if her power was being drained from her, drop by drop. Then she saw an operative, moving towards other Angel with a cattle prod in his hand. Driven purely by rage, she flung herself at him, batting the weapon from his hands. 

"Buffy!" Other Angel's voice was one of desperation. His lovely, beautiful girlfriend had crumpled to the floor, her eyes fluttering shut. He felt himself move into a kind of shock, and before he could think, his arms were thrashing out, connecting with limbs and torsos. Then he was at her side, whispering into her hair, crushing her to him, and he did not notice the man stood over him, with an axe in his hand. 

Suddenly there was the snapping of bone, followed by a body falling heavily to the floor. Other Angel looked up. LA Angel was now above him, holding out his hand to him. 

"Get her out of here," LA Angel ordered. 

Barely acknowledging him, other Angel quickly scooped Buffy in his arms and sprang towards the door. 

"Wait!" It was Xander. Other Angel stared at the dark haired man, who was kneeling over an unconscious Dawn, blood pouring from a cut above his eye. 

"Dawn…" other Angel murmured, clutching the small blonde tighter to him. Her little sister was the only family she had now; Buffy would never forgive herself if anything happened to Dawn. Then again, he would never forgive himself if anything happened to Buffy. 

"Go!" yelled LA Angel, dodging the sword an operative was swinging his way. 

Then there was a flash of green light, sending all of the remaining operatives crashing to the edge of the room. Cordy gaped in awe as she saw Willow, her eyes black, chanting determinedly, her hands forcibly smashing the green light into the cowering operatives. She had never seen the formerly shy, quiet girl ever command such power or presence; she knew that Willow had resurrected Buffy, but this was incredible. With a final push of energy that crackled violently across the trashed living room, Willow sent the operatives flying out the broken window. 

"That's right, you're not welcome here," Xander spoke viciously, supporting his friend as she finished raising the defensive barrier. 

"Don't worry," Will answered quietly, her eyes reverting to normal colour. "They won't be back." As Xander felt Willow sag slightly against him, he gave her a small hug. 

"How can you be so sure?" LA Angel asked, his face etched in concern. 

Will looked at him evenly, confident in her ability to dispel any doubts from his mind. "Because if they come within 10 feet of this house, I'll kill them," she said simply, squeezing Xander's hand tight. He, Dawn and Buffy were her family, the people who would stand by her no matter what, the people she would protect, no matter what. Ever since Tara had been taken from her, Willow had felt so alone, so empty. At first she had tried to fill that hole with vengeance and fury, then terrible, bone-gnawing guilt. That phase had lasted months, all through her long stay at the Sanctuary. Then she had returned here, the place she had most dreaded, and she had found trust and acceptance in the people she thought she had lost forever. "Anyway," she added as an afterthought, "they'll be all confused for the next few days. Cool side effect, don't y' think?" 

LA Angel gave her a wry but genuine smile. He had worried that Willow's homecoming might not be successful, that Xander would not let the pain of the past go and let them all heal. His thoughts were interrupted as a small groan came from Buffy. "Buffy?" His voice was soft, uncertain, as he watched his former girlfriend stir in other Angel's arms. 

"Hey," she murmured sleepily, looking intently into other Angel's eyes, as he ran his fingers through her long blonde hair. Then seeing the concern in other Angel's eyes, and mirrored in that of his counterpart, she slipped out of his arms, demanding, "What's going on?" Her eyes then settled on Dawn, who was now lying on the couch. "Dawnie, oh Dawnie." 

As her sister threw her arms around her, Dawn began to come to. "Buffy," Dawn began. "Really needing to breathe now." 

"Sorry," Buffy said hastily, helping Dawn to sit up whilst assessing her for any signs of injury. 

Other Angel crouched in front of Buffy, laying his hands over her's. "They tried to take you, love," he told her gently. 

The memories came rushing back to her then, and she looked at him lovingly. "I remember," she responded. "They weakened me and you, both of you, fought with me, to save me." LA Angel stepped forward then, giving her a small smile. "Anytime." 

At the other side of the room, a very annoyed looking Cordelia stood, shaking her head. "You two are just unbelievable…" she stated hotly, beginning to leave the room, as Fred gazed after her utterly shocked. 

"Cordelia," LA Angel warned, not in the mood to hear another lecture from his one of his dearest friends. He knew she believed what she was saying was true, but it exasperated him how she seemed to have no awareness of just how far out of line she was. 

"No, if Cordelia's got something to say, let's hear it," Buffy insisted, her hand gripping other Angel's tightly. 

"Oh yay," Xander mumbled, much to Dawn's guffawing. 

Cordelia turned round, giving her most intimidating stare to Buffy and the two Angels. "You're all acting like it's the happy ending. This is the Buffy and two Angels show - tell me how that ends happily!" 

Other Angel spoke then, surprising everyone. "Well, maybe this time will be different." 

Cordelia frowned at him, before answering bluntly, "I'm sorry, Angel, but it never does. And until you and our Angel are back as one, this is not over. And we're needed in LA." Then she left the room, leaving everyone quietly taking in her doom-laden speech. 

Dawn was the first to break the silence. "Don't listen to her Buffy, She's just a spiteful -" Dawn broke off at her older sister's horrified gasp. 

"Don't even think about completing that sentence," Buffy commanded. "And anyway, I never listen to Cordelia." As she said that, she knew from the look on LA Angel's face, that he at least had. She felt her stomach churn, as she realised what that look meant, the look she knew all too well. Angel had already made a decision, and she just knew it would be one she would not like at all. 

********************** 

Following his tryst with Lilah, Wesley was feeling slightly uneasy. He had known she was hiding something from him, undoubtedly callous and designed to hurt those he cared about, but it still had not stopped him, nor had it stopped him any time before. Now the call he had received from Sunnydale had more than confirmed his worst suspicions, and he still was not sure he could stay away from her. He felt stupid. His desire fro Lilah swallowed him whole, made him unable to reason when it really mattered. She had ordered those operatives to kidnap Buffy; she had been the one to have that spell cast to drain the power from Buffy too. All of this for the prestige she would gain at her law firm from the raising of Gwah Ra Kal. If the operatives had succeeded, Angel would have blamed him - he knew Wesley was involved with Lilah. Wesley was only thankful that Willow had been able to defeat them. 

"You look thoughtful," Spike chirped. "What's the matter, did she eat you alive?" 

Wesley tiredly looked at him, barely caring that Spike was insulting him yet again. "Is the demon secure?" 

Rolling his eyes, Spike snapped, "For the four hundredth and fifty sixth time - yes! Bloody hell, Wesley, are your panties too tight?" Grabbing his coat, Wesley headed for the door. "Hang on, where are you going?" demanded Spike. 

"Out," was Wesley's flat reply. 

"So you're leaving me to babysit demon boy and his pesky friend here. Charming," Spike muttered, clearly unimpressed. 

"Hey!" interjected Vince testily. "I am not pesky, and I am so not his friend." 

"Get back to Sunnydale," Wesley ordered. "That's where you're needed. Willow wants to have a little chat with the demon about the spell it cast." 

"Cool," Vince cooed, rubbing his hands gleefully at the thought of another incognito mission. 

Wesley did not catch Spike's reply as he left; nor did he particularly care. He felt anger coursing through him. It had to end with Lilah and it had to end now. He had allowed himself the fantasy of sleeping with the enemy too long, and now it was time to face facts. Wesley had a mission: he wanted to fight evil and he wanted to help Angel. Angel still had not forgiven him and he in turn was far from forgiving Angel - but he missed them all. It was time for him to go back to the fold. 

********************** 

"I thought you were out here," Buffy said softly. LA Angel turned and looked at her, his formerly serious expression lightening enough to allow a tiny grin. 

"Yeah, well, old habits die hard," he joked half-heartedly, raising his eyes again to the starry sky. "Brooding really doesn't work well with a crowd." 

"Sorry," she offered wistfully, coming to stand by his side. "It really is a beautiful night." 

"So why are you out here with me?" he asked bluntly, still not looking at her. 

"Because we need to talk," she responded, her voice strangely calm. He finally glanced at her then, his eyes full of concern. He had never seen this side of Buffy. It was as if she was functioning on autopilot, repressing all her emotions inside. He had sensed her tension at hearing Cordy's words, and her obvious turmoil. What was surprising to him now, was that she was attempting to hide it from him, the one person she had always been honest with. Then again, he was no longer the only Angel in her life; and he was the Angel who had left. His replacement had much more chance of full Buffy disclosure than him. "I need to know what you're going to do. About you and Angel," she finished. 

He took a deep, unneeded breath, and twiddled his hands nervously. "Look, Buffy, I don't know how to say this-" he began. 

"I knew it!" she screamed frantically. "I knew it! You can't bear to see me happy can you? If it's okay for you to move on with Cordelia, why can't you let me have him?" 

Firmly grasping her shoulders, he forced her to look him in the eye. "Firstly, I am not with Cordelia, nor have I ever been or ever will be" he stated emphatically. "And as for seeing you happy, that's all I've ever wanted. That's why I left." 

A bitter laugh escaped her lips, as she shook herself free. "You know it's funny. I always thought you were really smart, but it turns out you're a dumbass!" she taunted, her voice breaking. "When you left, it broke my heart. And you know something, Angel? It never healed. So don't play the martyr and act like it was all for my own good!" She kept her back turned from him, so he would not see the tears that were beginning to run down her face. She hated him so much right now, hated that he could cause so much emotion in her without so much as a touch of his hand. 

"I'm sorry you feel like that. I never meant to hurt you," he told her sincerely, his heart inwardly shattering at the pain he could see in the woman before him. "I've been hurt by this too. I've had to give you up, for things, for reasons I can never really explain to you." Without turning around, she shook her head, her small frame visibly trembling. He laid a hand on her shoulder. "It never ever changed the fact I loved you." 

She looked down at her feet, her voice choking, "But you can't. I have a guy now who loves me more than anything in the whole wide world and you're going to take him from me. Again." She then turned, allowing him to see her tear soaked face. "I love you so much, I always did, and now I've finally got you back, you're going to take him, aren't you? Please don't, Angel, please," she pleaded, her voice wracked with sobs. 

"Shh, Buffy, it's okay," he soothed, taking her into his arms. 

"No it's not, it'll never be okay," she cried, her words muffled as she buried her face against his chest. "Not when he's gone." 

"I'm so sorry, Buffy," he murmured, stroking her hair, "but I have to. There are people out there who rely on me. And I can't let them down." 

She gazed up at him then, a new fury in her eyes. "What about me? If you do this, you're letting me down!" she accused harshly. "You're way out of line." 

"No, he's not." Buffy whipped round, startled, separating herself from LA Angel's arms. Other Angel had appeared suddenly behind them. 

"Angel," Buffy began, unable to believe what she was hearing. 

"Buffy, he's right," other Angel said insistently. "Spike's bought the demon back here. It told Willow that Angel is not whole without me." She shrugged her shoulders petulantly, and he caught her hand tight. "Do you know what that means? Without me, he's weakened, he's not complete," he said with determination. "It's not right, Buffy. How can we put our happiness above the safety of the world, of the people we're supposed to protect? People could die without him, without their champion at full strength." 

LA Angel felt his mouth go dry, his mind suddenly bombarded with images from the Forgotten Day. As he watched Buffy and the other Angel embrace, he felt he was reliving it all over again - the pain, the anguish, the wrenching separation and unfairness of the not-enough-time. 

As if she could force him to stay, Buffy tangled her hands around other Angel's neck, pulling him closer, her tiny body pressing tightly against his. "It's not fair," she wept, her hands lacing through his hair. "I can't lose you now." 

Now openly crying, other Angel softly kissed her forehead. "Don't worry, love, you'll deal," he promised, wrapping his arms more tightly around her. 

"But how can I?" she asked, her voice shaking with emotion, her eyes pleading with him to stay. "Knowing what we had, what we could have had?" 

Putting a finger gently under her chin, he forced her to look up. "Because you'll still have me," he told her categorically, looking over at his counterpart. "And when we're back together again, I'm not going anywhere." 

"Promise?" she whispered, gazing into his eyes. In response, he kissed her passionately, pouring all the love he felt for her into that one kiss. 

LA Angel turned away, unable to watch any longer. His heart felt heavy from all the anguish he had just witnessed, and he felt responsible. Why, whatever he did in respect to her, did it always end in her misery? At the thought of being joined with other Angel he felt a flat panic. What if her hurt her again? What if he could not protect her? There would be too much of other Angel in him for to stay away from Buffy. LA Angel wished he could postpone things, think things over, but it was already too late. Willow was upstairs, preparing to perform the spell. Tonight they would be back together again. 

********************** 

Buffy gazed woefully at the two Angels stood in front of her. She was finding it hard to believe that was the last time she would see her Angel, that she would never be able to touch him again or kiss him. Though she gave him a brave smile, inside she was breaking, having to suppress the urge to hold him to her and refuse to let him go. It was so hard having to do the right thing, having to give everything up for a sacred duty you had no choice in. In her world, everything was always stripped away, while she had to stand and fight. This time would be no different. Even with her heart in tatters, Buffy would still go on, pretending to her friends she was fine. It was an act she had perfected since Angel had left the first time. 

As Willow began to chant, other Angel winked at her, mouthing, I love you. Then the flame on the candle extinguished, leaving only one Angel. 

Buffy held her breath, feeling slightly nauseous. It had happened, it had actually happened. Angel was gone. She felt the sobs build up inside her, threatening to burst. Then Angel opened his eyes, blinked, and looked straight at her. 

"Buffy?" he murmured, his voice slightly confused. "What's going on?" 

Unable to hold it in any longer, she fled the room, her eyes streaming with tears. She had lost her Angel - and now she was certain she was going to lose this one too. That was an eventuality Buffy could not bear. 

To be continued. 


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Chapter Thirteen**

His scent still lingered on the pillow. Buffy burrowed her face into it, closing her eyes, desperately trying to convince herself that the pressing emptiness she felt was not real. That he was still here. That if she called his name, he would come to her, hold her close to him and everything would be fine. Her eyes slowly opened, and she focused on the ceiling up above. Her Angel was gone. The one downstairs was an unknown quantity, one she was not sure she could trust. 

She could hear footsteps on the stairs. Instinctively she knew it was Willow. It was always Willow. Whenever Buffy's heart was breaking, it was Willow who understood, who accepted, who knew the pain Buffy was feeling without needing to ask. Now was the time. Platitudes and the unconditional allegiance of her best friend were not what Buffy needed right now. There was nothing that anyone could say to allay Buffy's fears, nothing. She was about to lose everything all over again, in slow and painful detail. If that was the inevitable, Buffy wanted to postpone it for as long as possible. She knew as soon as she saw Angel's face, it was over. In this room, she was immune. Angel couldn't break her heart. 

Willow entered without knocking, sitting down on the edge of the bed. For a long time she said nothing, waiting for her friend to become accepting of her presence. "He's waiting for you," she said simply. 

Buffy nodded, then closed her eyes again, hugging the pillow to her. "You can't hide up here forever," Willow quipped, hoping the lightness would jolt a response from her inert friend. "Okay, maybe you can, but it would be a seriously bad idea." 

Buffy finally looked up at Willow, her eyes taking in the concern so evident in her friend's face. It was all too much right now, and Buffy just wanted to shut down, to push her friends away and forget she was hurting. But she knew she couldn't. The pain she was feeling would not go away. Nor would Willow, Xander, Dawn, the LA gang or most importantly, Angel. She was an adult now. She had to deal. They expected strength from her: they expected slayer. But this wasn't a situation for the slayer; this was one for Buffy Summers. And she knew she wasn't always strong, although she always tried. 

"Please, Buffy, talk to me," Will pleaded. 

"I'm sorry, Will, I don't know what you expect," Buffy replied tiredly, pushing the pillow to her knees. "I've just lost Angel, the love of my life. And for all I know, it's going to get much worse right about the time the Angel down there tells me he's going back to LA with my heart in a paper bag." 

A flash of defiance crossed Will's face, and she shook her head firmly. "You don't know that Buffy…" 

Buffy stood abruptly, flinging the pillow across the room. "I do! It always ends the same way with Angel," she spat heatedly, as Will regarded her with compassion. "He leaves." Her voice was small, her eyes wide and beginning to water. Willow gently placed a hand on her shoulder, comforting Buffy into a hug. 

"Please come down, Buffy," Willow coaxed. "Angel really wants to talk to you." 

Suddenly a spark of hope flared in Buffy and she gazed at Willow in wonder. "Really?" 

Willow nodded, continuing to hug her friend. What she had told Buffy was not a lie, but she worried the hope Buffy was feeling might be. She only hoped things went differently this time. 

********************** 

It had all happened so quickly. One minute Angel had been standing like an outsider watching this tragic love story unfold between Buffy and other Angel. The next he had felt all that pain, longing and love thrown into him, as the other Angel had merged with him and the full strength of his own emotions had tumbled out, flooding into his every pore. He had looked up and the only thing he could think of was her: his Buffy. Then he felt such guilt, such tremendous guilt. He remembered every conversation, every kiss, every promise of loving her forever, then the look in her eyes when he left without so much as a goodbye. It was unbearable. He had repressed how intense, how gnawing the pain of losing her was, of how much agony their separation had caused him. His eyes filled with tears as the memory of their reunion after her resurrection flitted through his mind. If only he had known what had happened, that she had been torn from heaven. He would have done anything, anything to have been with her. To comfort her. He had believed her when she said she understood nothing had changed; why did he have to believe her? Why couldn't he have seen the truth? Maybe then she wouldn't have turned to Spike. Maybe she could have been saved. 

That was besides the point and he knew it. He had no right to make those judgements, no matter how jealous he felt. He could feel the other Angel within him, spreading a sense of calm through him, and somehow he felt more whole than he had for years. Whatever Wolfram and Hart had done, it had made him realise just how far from his true path he had been. He had been so consumed in trying to bury his pain and protect his soul that he had forgotten about his redemption. He had become too concerned with the pettiness of everyday life, of jealousy and thinking all the answers to his problems lay in the arms of Cordelia Chase. He could not believe how close he had been to totally and utterly losing the plot - something that was, bewilderingly, avoided thanks to Lilah Morgan. 

Now he was desperate, absolutely desperate to see Buffy. The last time his eyes had locked with hers, her expression had twisted in such pain that he had felt physically sick. Then she had fled, running up the stairs to the sanctuary of her room, where no one had dared to follow. Except for Willow, after a little while. She still had not come down. Why not? What if Buffy never wanted to see him again? The thought was almost unbearable, but still he mulled it over and over, his mind becoming ever more bleakened by the thought of no more life without Buffy. But what right did he have to her anyway, after all he had done? Maybe it was better to leave well alone, to leave now, before he scarred her heart irrevocably. Cordelia had been right. Things never ended well between them. He could not bear to hurt her again. 

He stood, his mind in a daze, as Dawn and Xander looked up at him in dulled surprise. The room was heavy with anticipation; he could sense their fears that Buffy's world was about to be left in tatters again. They said nothing, their eyes already confirming the worst. Then he heard a sharp voice. 

"Going somewhere?" Angel turned and came to face with his childe. Spike glared at him openly. 

"None of your business," Angel snapped distractedly, his eyes focused on the door and getting out of Buffy's life as quickly and painlessly as possible. 

Spike put himself in front of Angel and stood his ground. "Oh, I think it is. The lady has a right to speak to you and you are going no where until she does." 

Angel swatted him out of the way, and moved towards the door. "It won't put any notches on your bedpost, Spike, so give it up. She's too good for you." 

"I know," he levelled, his eyes registering a glimmer of pain. "But I've already got those notches, Peaches, so there's need to try." 

Angel shook his head in disgust at Spike's blunt honesty, and went to open the door. 

"Angel?" He turned and saw Buffy, her eyes red from crying, gazing at him with a mixture of confusion and unreality. Then unable to hold back his emotions any longer, he went to her and put his arms around her, his body sagging against hers. 

"I'm so sorry, love," he whispered into her hair, clinging ever tighter to her waist. "I'm so sorry." 

And then all over again, Buffy had no idea what to say. The only real thing to her right now was Angel, his arms around her, his lips kissing her hair. She did not notice the others leave, or the last look of hope Willow flashed them both. Or realise this was the time for them both to talk. 

********************** 

Lilah Morgan knew she was in the deepest of all troubles. The Robed Demon was gone, and for all the surveillance in this place, there was no way of determining for sure who had took him or where he had gone. All she had was her intuition, which was strongly telling her that she should look closer to home. What did they say? You always hurt the ones you love. She was beginning to think that worked in reverse too, for she knew the feelings she had for Wesley were far from love. Still he was great in bed. 

She gazed again over LA, out of her big office window, and wondered how she had travelled from white picket fences to all this. One time she had been the American dream: all shining white teeth and pom poms. So she still had the teeth but the wholesome aspect was gone. Oh well, life goes on. 

"Hello, Lilah," Wesley intoned, perching himself on the edge of her desk. 

She smiled to herself wanfully, her eyes still focused on the city's skyline. "I wondered when you would turn up." 

Ignoring her comment, Wesley picked up a file on her desk, making a show of flicking through it casually. "The Angel casefile - interesting," he mused, his voice dangerously low. Then he banged the file onto the desk, glaring at an unmoving Lilah. "Nice to know it involved trying to kill my friends." 

Lilah turned round then, regarding Wesley with slight amusement. "What did you expect, Wesley? I'm no choir girl. If you want pure and untainted, try looking up the Texas Twig," she taunted lightly, holding up her hand when he opened his mouth to speak. "Oh, I forgot. She doesn't want you. Not to worry, Wes. For people like you and me, all of this, it's just a game. It just depends what side you're playing for." She paused then, studying him with an evil grin curving her lips. "Unless of course you're hedging your bets." 

"We're done with that," he bit back harshly. "I've known your game all along, and I've played you as much as you've played me. But it's over. We're over, Lilah." 

She smiled at him, a little coquettishly, running her hand gently along the curve of his cheek. "Oh come on, Wesley. We both know what you want, what you really need." His hand suddenly fastened on her wrist, stopping its slow trail down his chest. She glanced up at him in uncertainty when she caught the hardness in his eyes. 

"What I need is to do the right thing," he responded, pushing her hand away from him firmly. "What you need to do is leave Wolfram and Hart." 

Lilah shook her head, a small laugh escaping her lips. "I'll never do that. This is my life," she told him with conviction. 

"Even when they take it from you," was his rejoinder. 

Lilah's face steeled, and she stood up straighter, folding her arms. "I'll take my chances." 

Wesley gazed at her carefully, taking in her smart suit, her flawless makeup and glossy hair. It was all just for show. Inside Lilah there was a chasm of nothingness, an abyss that could never be filled. She would set herself with empty challenges all her life, and give it all for a cause she cared nothing about. His heart stung at her vulnerability and fatalism. Whatever he said, whatever he did, Lilah would refuse to see there was another way. She was destined to be a slave all her days. "Take care, Lilah," he murmured sincerely, as he scooped up the file and left. 

As the door shut, Lilah felt a small shiver deep inside. A tear almost formed, but as quickly as it appeared, she had already shrugged it off, and was sat at her desk, looking at a new casefile. She may have failed this time, and no doubt she would again, but this was not a battle: this was a war. And bit by bit, she would chisel away at Angel's defences as rapidly as he could rebuild them, until there was no resistance. When the End of Days arrived, Angel would be fighting on Wolfram and Hart's side. As for Wesley - maybe he would learn the real difference between black and white. Until then, she had a lot of work to do. 

********************** 

Buffy nervously twiddled with her hair, trying hard to look casual while looking at Angel from the corner of her eye. Unwittingly she caught his eye and smiled awkwardly at him. He returned her smile thankfully, and turned to her. 

"Buffy," he began slowly. 

"Time to talk, I know. Time to wake up and smell the coffee," she babbled, wringing her hands anxiously. "Big Buffy-Angel chat time. It's just like old times. All we need is a sewer and a demon and yay." Angel glanced at her gently, and she finally stopped bumbling. "So what are we going to do, Angel?" The words came out slightly choked and Angel swallowed hard. 

"I don't know," he told her honestly. 

"Oh." She looked away quickly, but the disappointment was clear in her voice. 

He reached for her hand and encouraged her to look up at him. "It doesn't mean I don't love you. It's just that a lot has been going on for us both, Buffy. I don't want to rush into anything we might both regret." 

Sighing heavily, she slowly withdrew her hand from his. "Sometimes declarations of love just aren't enough, Angel," she answered quietly. "I've been through hell and all I know is since coming back from heaven, the time I spent with Ang-, the other one of you, has been the happiest of my life. I need someone in my life, someone I love. I need you, Angel, you, because it's you I love. I never stopped, never." 

Angel looked down, slightly guiltily. He wanted so badly to tell her that he could be that person, but he was not sure he could be. All his life, she had been the only woman he had ever loved; she meant everything to him. As he thought back through their time together though, all he could remember was the pain he had caused her, the tears she had cried in his name. How did he know it would be any different this time? How could he risk hurting her again? More than that, how did he know his soul would be safe? He knew that if they let themselves become involved again, there would be no way to stop things progressing further. That was ultimately why he knew he could not stay in Sunnydale right now. She was his weakness: he needed to be strong. 

Still he felt a force inside of him pushing back, telling him how wrong he really was. His love for Buffy was strong, so strong that it could overcome any obstacle. He had to stay, he had to fight for her. She was the only thing that had ever given his life real meaning - how could he throw that away. Something could be done about his soul; surely there was a way to anchor it. There had to be some way to make sure that he did not have to again go through the agony of being so close to having a future with Buffy, only to have it cruelly snatched away. He squashed that emotion down, ignoring his gut instinct. He reasoned he had no right to take risks - not with her heart. 

He felt her eyes upon him, her gaze heavy with anticipation and the teensiest speck of hope. Right now, he did not want to face her. But he had no choice. She was here, waiting for an answer. 

"I'm sorry," he finally said, his voice barely a whisper. "Right now, I can't stay." 

With seeming calm, she eyeballed him, making Angel feel she could see into the depths of his being. "Why?" 

Angel shifted uneasily, avoiding her eyes. "Because I love you too much to risk hurting you again." 

Suddenly Buffy stood, and began to make her way up the stairs. Quickly he followed her, placing a hand on her shoulder to stop her. "Buffy, wait," he pleaded, a little frantically. 

"No," she snapped, whirling round and pushing his hand from her. "There is nothing left to say. I've heard the speech before where you make out you know best and make all the decisions for me. You know, I really thought it would be different this time. He promised me he would yell harder, that he would make you listen, but you're just ignoring him!" 

"It's not like that," he replied slowly, hoping she would not notice the trembling of his body. "There is no way I can keep you safe. If we get involved, we'll both want more, and my soul-" 

Buffy gaped at him, unable to believe what she was hearing. "Is that why you want to break my heart again?" she questioned him harshly. "Have you so little faith in us that you couldn't just let us try? We could get through this, we could search for a cure. But you won't even try." 

Angel gazed after her as she walked up the stairs, unable to comprehend that he was losing the love of his life yet again. But he had to. It was the only way he could make sure she had the normal relationship she truly deserved. Normal like the one she had with Spike, he taunted himself. He thought how ridiculous that notion was in light of that, but he refused to change his mind. It was done now; there was no going back. Still he could not shake the feeling he was doing something very wrong. 

"Buffy," he called up the stairs, not really sure what he was going to say. She turned brokenly, her eyes dulled. "I'm just going to go. Not say goodbye." 

Without responding, she continued up the stairs to her room, shutting the door quietly behind her. He sat on the stairs, his head in his hands, the finality of it all sinking in. Then he began to weep. 

********************** 

"I can't believe him. What a jackass!" Buffy stared at her best friend in surprise, to which Willow shrugged her shoulders defiantly. "I stand by what he said: he is a jackass." 

From the floor, Dawn smirked, cuddling Mr Gordo tightly. "I agree with, Willow," Dawn chipped in. "Could you turn him into a toad?" Will's face momentarily brightened, but at a sharp look from Buffy, she tried to look a little contrite. However she failed dismally and continued to glower at the thought of Angel's leaving. 

"He's really scared," Buffy said softly. "He can't help it. He thinks he'll lose his soul." 

"Like last time you two got pelvic," Dawn interjected helpfully, tossing Mr Gordo playfully into the air. 

"Dawn," Willow said quickly. "That's not really the point." 

Buffy flashed Willow a grateful smile. "No, it's not. There's so many reasons why me and Angel should be together, but he's not paying attention to any of those right now." A tear slipped down Buffy's face and Willow realised how quickly she needed to act. Something she had read in her research about the splitting of Angel had piqued her interest. Until now she had not given it any serious thought. It was the idea of balance, of how for two things to peacefully co-exist there needed to be an elimination of conflict. It had vaguely alluded to a method of restoring balance, and thus cleansing a person. At the time, she had took it in the context of the need to restore the two Angels to one, but now she saw a whole different, more revelatory meaning. What if it meant she could remove Angel's curse? 

"What is it, Will? Buffy asked her, noticing the far away look on Willow's face. 

"Nothing," Will answered hastily. "Look, you and Dawn need some quality Summers sister time and I gotta make sure Spike and his two stooges are behaving themselves." 

Dawn looked perplexed for a second. "So what are you going to do with the demon?" she asked. "It did try to hurt Angel and raise a big bad." 

Buffy shrugged nonchalantly. "I think we'll leave that to Spike. He seemed to be having fun sorting him and Vince out." 

********************** 

Angel began to sort through his clothes halfheartedly. It was amazing how long it was taking to pack them into an overnight bag when it had only taken a few minutes to throw them in there. Maybe it had something to do with the fact his heart really was not in leaving. Or that he was in excessive brood mode, proof positive of the other Angel's powerful influence. 

"Wow, you really do suck at packing," Will commented, standing at the doorway with Xander. 

"Yeah," he replied tiredly, casting a glance at the redhead and Xander. 

"So, Angel, is it really true you are about to break my friend's heart again or is that just a vicious rumour?" Xander asked snippily. 

Angel zipped the bag shut roughly, giving Xander a steady glare. "Since when was what happens between me and Buffy any of your business?" he demanded. 

"When you're making the biggest mistake of your life," Willow stated emphatically. Angel stared at her in askance, surprised she had intervened in an exchange between himself and Xander. "We can't just let you go without letting you know how wrong you are." 

Angel looked pained, and concentrated for a moment on collecting some errant papers together. "This is hard for me, Willow," he told her finally. "Please don't make it harder." 

Xander guffawed, causing Angel's steely gaze to fall on him again. "Oh, enough with the melodrama! Can you hear yourself? You just can't stand to hear the truth can you? You're being a stupid jerk, a stupid jerk who needs to listen." 

"And you're getting yourself closer to feeling the full force of my fist," Angel countered tersely. 

As the stand-off between the two men started to heat up, Willow laid a calming hand on Xander's arm. "That's enough," she said firmly, giving them both a stern eye. "We're going to go now. But I think you should know that all the answers are not set in stone. Things do change, Angel. And sometimes you should trust your friends to know better than you. Because sometimes there's things they know that will change everything." 

Angel watched Willow leave arm in arm with Xander, her eyes gleaming with the excitement of some plan he had no idea about. It was entirely unlike Willow to be so cryptic, as she was normally so bad at keeping at secret. He had no energy to question her any further. 

Suddenly Cordelia appeared behind him and without turning around he knew she would be wearing a grin laced with self-satisfaction and frank relief. "Ready?" she asked brightly. 

"Won't be long," he mumbled, waving her away. Slipping a hand in his pocket, he drew out a miniature picture of Buffy he always kept with him. Looking at it wistfully, he gently kissed it and put it back in his pocket. It was time to go. 

********************** 

As Wesley pulled up outside Buffy's house, he was taken aback to see the LA Gang making their way towards Angel's car. Jumping out of the car quickly, Wesley headed towards the house, trying to see where Angel was. He should have known. 

Huddled on the doorstep were the figures of Angel and Buffy, tears rolling down both of their faces. It was a typical scene for them: huge emotion and biting angst. Wesley watched, fascinated by the scene that played out in front of him. Buffy was tearfully begging him to stay and he was playing the martyr, telling her had to go. Wesley had always been dismissive of their relationship, not buying the depth of feeling they professed to have for one another: but now he was almost in tears himself. He could not believe that Angel would give up the love of his life yet again. The past few weeks had been a rollercoaster ride for all of them, especially Angel and Buffy. After all of that, he could not believe that Angel would just walk away. 

"Please Angel, please at least say goodbye," he could hear Buffy begging. 

Angel gently shook his head, instead pressing a soft kiss to her forehead before turning round and heading for his car. Wesley watched as Buffy sobbed into Willow's arms, and Xander, Dawn and Spike glared at the retreating back of Angel. Then suddenly Angel was right in front of him, and Wesley had to find something to say. 

"Wesley," Angel greeted coldly. 

"You're leaving," was the only answer Wesley could muster. 

"Yes," Angel said dryly. "And this is not unlike a conversation I've had a thousand times already tonight." 

"Angel, I knew what Lilah was up to right from the start. You were right. But I also stopped her," Wesley explained. "I'm sorry it nearly cost you and Buffy your lives." 

"You're sleeping with her," Angel observed flatly. 

"Yes," Wesley answered simply. "I was." He handed Angel the case file he had retrieved from Lilah's desk. "This is everything on the stunt she pulled - from the spell, to the amended plan she made to kidnap Buffy. I thought you should have it." 

Angel looked at the file disinterestedly, and made to leave. "That's nice, Wes, but I really have to go now." 

"Are you sure?" Wesley pressed suddenly. "Are you sure you're doing the right thing?" Angel shook his head in disbelief, and began to walk away. "Sometimes Angel, you only get one shot. Some mistakes are unforgivable," Wesley continued. "I should know." 

Angel turned and looked at him, giving him a strange smile, before sprinting off towards Buffy's front door. Fred came over to Wesley, her face confused. "What's he doing?" 

Wes gave her a small smile. "Putting things right." 

********************** 

Buffy could hear hammering on the door, then yelling. She stood at her door, watching Angel pound at her door, unable to move. It was not until Willow stepped around her and opened the door, that Buffy finally budged. 

"Buffy," Angel gasped, his voice breathy. She saw his dark eyes fill with tears, and his arms begin to snake towards her, but still she could not respond. Everything felt so unreal, as if Angel's lips were moving towards hers in slow motion. 

"Is this real?" she asked in a small voice. 

Angel stopped dead, gazing at Buffy in concern. Gently he put a finger under her chin, forcing her to look into his eyes. "Yes, it is. As real as the love I feel for you," he answered, his voice thick with emotion. "I have been so wrong, Buffy, so wrong. I just need you to tell me that we've still got a chance." 

She looked at him in shock for a moment, trying to comprehend what he had just said. Without answering, she wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him tenderly. As the kiss deepened, her fingers knotted in his short dark hair, bringing him closer. Then they heard the sound of clapping from behind them, and they broke the kiss off, both panting, and turned to see a beaming Willow and Dawn. 

"I knew you'd see sense," Willow told him. "Especially since I've got some really good news for you two lovebirds." A flash of hope crossed Buffy's face, as she clung tightly to Angel's hand. "I've found a spell to anchor Angel's soul." 

"How?" Buffy asked, stunned, as Angel's eyes were glittering in wonder. 

"Just a little balancing here and there," Will dashed off. "You know, just to make Angel and his housemate dwell in there a little easier." She pointed to Angel's chest, indicating the evil Angelus. "If we balance the soul and the demon, there should be no more curse." 

Suddenly Angel threw his arms around Willow, and she blushed, a little taken aback. "That is so amazing. Thank you, Willow, for everything," he gushed. 

"That's okay," she replied, smiling happily. "Just take good care of her." 

"Yeah," Dawn retorted. "Or else." 

Angel nodded soberly to them both, then turned back to Buffy. "I guess we have a future to think about," he said huskily, taking her hand. 

Buffy gazed at him, her lips curving into a gentle smile. "Yes, we do." 

The End.


End file.
